


Exhaustive

by plain_jane08 (awolfling)



Series: All encompassing [2]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Chronic Illness, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2013-11-19
Packaged: 2017-12-28 05:20:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/988170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awolfling/pseuds/plain_jane08
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"If there's one thing Danny learnt from Rachel though, it's that if you buried issues they'd just come back to haunt you. He wasn't going to make the same mistake with Steve again."</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Being in love won't cure Danny's IBS and relationships aren't always smooth sailing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> In the first chapter there is discussion of consent issues. I didn't tag the story as such because it plays a fairly minor role in the story as a whole, but I thought I'd give everyone a heads up anyway. Please note that no non-con or dub-con takes place in this story.
> 
> I would also like to add that my knowledge of Hawaiian geography is fairly non-existent, so apologies for any mistakes made there.

Danny's uncomfortability has been growing since lunch, his stomach bloated and tender. His shirt is straining around the middle and his pants feel tight, the pressure making things more painful. He even goes as far as to unbutton his pants, though the zip stays firmly up because he is not risking forgetting about it and having his pants fall down when he stands. He tries to stick to his desk for the rest of the day, it's not like there isn't paperwork to do anyway. He hates the thought of people seeing him like this.

 

Danny’s relieved to go home, tired from a day of pain and paperwork (which subsequently meant trying to explain Steve's antics in a way that didn't make Steve seem like the maniac he was and didn't mean the case being thrown out by the judge because Steve hadn't followed procedure. Immunity and means only got you so far in court.)

 

Steve goes for a quick swim when they get home, needing to burn off the extra energy accumulated from spending the day inactive, and Danny makes a quick call to Grace to find out about her day before going upstairs for a shower. Over time Danny has worn Steve down about his issues regarding shower length, and Steve even occasionally enjoys a longer shower himself. Danny counts that as a win in his lifelong _Domesticate Steve McGarrett_ mission.

 

Danny sighs when he steps into the shower, letting the hot water beat down on his stiff shoulders first. Feeling the tension loosen, Danny turns around and lets the water hit his chest and run down over his sore stomach. The heat helps sooth the ache, though it does little to alleviate his bloating, that will unfortunately just take time. He looks down at himself. His stomach is sticking out obscenely, distended and painful. He can barely see his own feet; his dick is hidden from view. It’s like the body he’s looking at isn’t even his.

 

Danny washes his hair and face and then starts soaping up his body. As usual his cock starts to fill, but Danny ignores it, he absolutely isn't in the mood, whatever his cock thinks about it. Danny hears the bathroom door open and looks to see Steve come in, flushed from his swim and already naked. Danny's cock perks up a little more. Naked Steve is always a pleasant sight. Steve slips into the shower next to Danny and pulls him close for a kiss. Steve is always horny after exercising; Danny can't understand it, though he has often reaped the benefits. Danny is the complete opposite, especially the cardio stuff, exercise just makes him angry and not wanting to be touched, which is why he mostly avoids it. He is more of a weights person.

 

“Turn around,” Steve says, breaking the kiss, “I'll do your back for you.”

 

Danny duly does so, though he has his suspicions where this is going. Still, Steve normally turns washing into massaging and Danny is all for that. Besides, from behind Steve won’t see how gross Danny’s stomach looks.

 

Danny isn't disappointed; Steve soaps up his hands and starts on Danny's shoulders, working out the kinks that the hot water alone couldn't, moving down to under his shoulder blades and then along his spine. Danny melts into Steve's hands, leaning back against him, dropping his head back against Steve's chest. Steve takes the opportunity to kiss Danny's neck and Danny lets out a content sigh.

 

Steve's hands leave Danny's back and Danny can't help the unhappy whine from escaping his lips. Steve shushes him, hands coming around to card through Danny's chest hair. Danny can feel how hard Steve is, pressed up against the small of his back. Danny feels guilty at that, knowing that he isn't going to be able to give Steve what he wants right now. Danny is still only half hard, the pain in his stomach not having abated and he always feels disgusting when he’s bloated.

 

Danny pats Steve's hands and begins pulling away, softly he says, “I'm gonna get out now.”

 

“Oh really?” Steve says, grin evident in his voice. He pulls Danny closer, stroking his hands down over Danny's stomach. Danny suppresses a hiss, the pressure from Steve's hands ratcheting up the pain. Danny is never totally alright with Steve touching his stomach, but he can't stand it when he’s bloated. He feels repulsive enough as it is, he doesn't need reminding of it.

 

“Babe,” Danny says, moving Steve's hands off his stomach, “I'm just not in the mood right now, okay?”

 

Steve hums against Danny's neck, sliding one hand back onto Danny's stomach and the other around Danny's cock.

 

“I could get you in the mood,” Steve says teasingly.

 

Danny grabs Steve's wrists, holding Steve's hands still. He’s angry now, fuelled by his guilt and embarrassment warring with his need to get away.

 

“Just because my dick is interested,” Danny grits out, “doesn't mean that I want to have sex with you.”

 

Steve is already letting go of him, but Danny pulls his hands away and gets out of the shower before Steve can touch him again. He grabs a towel and hastily escapes to the bedroom. He dries himself quickly; needing to get clothes on before Steve comes storming in. Danny pulls on a pair of boxers and is just slipping a t-shirt on when Steve emerges. He has a towel wrapped around his waist, but it’s doing nothing to hide his erection and _Jesus_ the sight should be making Danny hot, not angry.

 

“What the fuck was that?!” Steve demands.

 

“I _told_ you I wasn't in the mood,” Danny snaps back, moving around the bed to put distance between them.

 

“Yeah, you made that pretty clear!” Steve says, folding his arms. Danny can see that under the anger, Steve is hurt, worried.

 

“Look, babe,” Danny says, deliberately softening his tone, “It's not about you, okay?”

 

Steve scoffs, “No, it's about you not wanting to have sex with _me_.”

 

“It's about me not wanting to have sex _right now_ ,” Danny tries to explain, “I shouldn't be obligated-”

 

“Obligated?!” Steve shouts, “Since when have you felt obligated?”

 

“I haven't, alright, I'm just trying to say-” Danny starts.

 

“What?” Steve says, shoulders squared like he was preparing for battle.

 

Danny sighs and sits on the bed. He'd fucked up, not about telling Steve he didn't want sex, but because he's never spoken to Steve about his bloating and how that makes him feel. He'd been embarrassed, and he'd already shared so much with Steve, made himself so vulnerable, even after a year Danny finds it hard to talk about. He just hasn't been able to bring it up, even after it had almost broken them up when Danny had freaked out about Steve joking he was getting fat. Almost a lifetime of being told his pain wasn’t real couldn’t be erased by one happy year with Steve, as much as Danny would like it to.

 

If there's one thing Danny learnt from Rachel though, it's that if you buried issues they'd just come back to haunt you. He wasn't going to make the same mistake with Steve again. Danny looks over at Steve, and wow, he’s still hard as ever. Fighting usually kills any and everything for Danny, apparently not so with Steve.

 

“Will you lie down with me?” Danny asks, patting the bed next to him. Because Danny had also learnt from Rachel exactly how to escalate a fight into something ugly that you can’t come back from, and he’s not doing that with Steve. He can’t. Steve looks like he’s going to argue but then evidently thinks better of it. He lies down stiffly, body rigid, arms crossed over his chest, towel tented obscenely. Danny settles on his side, curled up next to Steve but not touching him.

 

“I've never talked about this,” Danny says, keeping his voice quiet and even in the hopes that it will calm both Steve and himself down, “But sometimes- sometimes I get really bloated.”

 

“I know,” Steve says, and Danny has to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment. He'd always known it was obvious, but hoped maybe it was his own insecurity making it seem worse. Apparently not, and hearing so makes Danny want to climb into a hole and never get out again.

 

“Okay,” Danny says, his face flaming, “Well it's really uncomfortable and embarrassing. It just- I don't want to have sex when I'm like this.”

 

Steve is still and silent for a while, and Danny can't get a read on what’s going through his head other than it’s a lot, by the looks of it. Then Steve uncrosses his arms and slings one around Danny, pulling him closer. Danny's stomach presses up against Steve's side and he resists the urge to pull away.

 

“I don't mind,” Steve said eventually, “I don't _care_ if you're bloated, you have to understand that.”

 

Danny remains silent, he can tell Steve has more to say and he knows it’s important to give Steve the time to say it.

 

“Jesus, Danny, I’m so fucking sorry,” Steve says suddenly, voice cracking. Danny looks up at Steve’s face. Steve looks wrecked, guilt-stricken. Steve flings his free arm over his eyes to shield his face, his hand on Danny’s side clutching at Danny’s t-shirt.

 

“I thought you were teasing,” Steve croaks.

 

It strikes Danny how many of the stumbling blocks in their relationship so far have been because of him. Because of his IBS and how that affects him and his everyday life. He wonders for the millionth time what his life would be like if he didn’t have IBS.  Would other issues crop up in its place? Danny’s long past wishing things had been different with him and Rachel, as much as the divorce was undoubtedly shitty, he’d have never met Steve otherwise, and he’s content to admit that he’s happier with Steve than he was with Rachel. But he also knows that if he didn’t have IBS things with Rachel would have been different, maybe they would have stayed together. Just because he doesn’t want to make the same mistakes with Steve as he did with Rachel, that doesn’t mean he won’t make different ones. And regardless of how great Steve’s been about his IBS, it still remains an issue; _the_ issue. Danny can’t help but feel like he’s letting Steve down, like he’s a burden.

 

“Babe, Steve, please look at me,” Danny says, needing to see Steve’s face when he says what he is about to say, to make sure Steve believes him. Steve reluctantly lowers his arm.

 

“I’m sorry,” Danny says. Steve opens his mouth to argue but at Danny’s glare he shuts it again.

 

“I’m sorry I’ve never spoken about this before, it could have saved us both a world of hurt,” Danny says, stroking his thumb over Steve’s sternum, “And I’m sorry that I’m sick all the time.”

 

“Danny, you never need to apologize for being sick, that still doesn’t change the fact that I didn’t stop when you told me to,” Steve frowns; forehead so wrinkled it looks like it hurts.

 

“Let me ask you something,” Danny begins, continuing when Steve nodded, “If you’d known my reasons for wanting to stop, would you have stopped?”

 

“Of course!” Steve rushes to say.

 

“Okay,” Danny nods, “And if you thought I was serious about asking you to stop, regardless of the reason, would you stop?”

 

“Yes,” Steve says emphatically.

 

“Do you think I owe you sex?” Danny says, making sure he has eye contact with Steve.

 

“What? No, never!” Steve replies, his hold on Danny tightening.

 

“Okay,” Danny smiles, “So we’ve established that you’re not douchebag. Steve, we tease each other all the time, I understand why you thought this was just another one of those times. If I’d told you this sooner-“

 

“Danny,” Steve interrupts, “I am not letting you shoulder the guilt for this one.”

 

“Okay,” Danny agrees, “But then neither are you. I’ve told you before that I wasn’t in the mood and you never pushed or made me feel guilty. I really appreciate that.”

 

Steve doesn’t look convinced.

 

“It was a misunderstanding,” Danny tries to reassure Steve, “We don’t need to beat ourselves up about it.”

 

“Danny-” Steve starts, still sounding pained.

 

“Let me tell you a story,” Danny says, looking up to see Steve nod, “When I was with Rachel, there were plenty of times when I just wasn’t in the mood. Way more than her, the whole women don’t like sex as much as men thing is a total myth.”

 

Steve grimaces at that, and Danny doesn’t blame him, he never wants to hear about Steve being with other people either. But it’s necessary for the story, so Danny carries on.

 

“The first few times she didn’t mind, it’s not like it happens all the time, as you know,” Danny winks at Steve and that gets him a faint smile, “But we were married for ten years, it happened often enough. I don’t know if it made her feel unattractive or insecure, or if she just plain wasn’t satisfied, probably all of the above, but I ended up feeling really bad about it. At first she’d just sigh, make passive aggressive comments. Towards the end of our relationship we’d have full on fights about it.”

 

“That’s not right,” Steve says vehemently, face set in that hard do-not-fuck-with-the-people-I-love scowl.

 

“I know, babe. My point being, you’ve never done that, and I trust that you never will. I hope not,” Danny says.

 

“Never,” Steve says, further tightening his arm around Danny.

 

Danny finally relaxes against Steve, snuggling into him.

 

“You see,” Danny says, “You’re not an asshole. I knew I’d picked wisely the second time around.”

 

“I picked you,” Steve argues with a smile.

 

“Yeah? Good job then, babe. You’re more than just a pretty face,” Danny says, voice muffled because his face is pressed against Steve’s chest.

 

“Oh yeah?”

 

“Mmm, great ass too,” Danny replies.

 

Steve makes an agreeing sound.

 

“Good around the house,” Danny continues, “Brains leave a little bit to be desired, but nobody’s perfect.”

 

Steve laughs at that and Danny can feel Steve starting to relax and congratulates himself on a job well done. Steve starts gently scratching his nails over Danny’s back and Danny nuzzles into Steve. They stay like that for a while, quiet and enjoying each other.

 

Danny hears Steve take a breath like he’s about to speak, but Steve keeps quiet, so Danny ignores it. The second time it happens and Steve still doesn’t say anything, Danny mumbles, “What?”

 

“It’s just-” Steve says, and takes another breath, “I’m, um, I’m really happy with our sex life. I just wanted you to know that.”

 

“Thanks, babe,” Danny says, knowing now is not the time to turn it into a joke. It’s rare that Steve actually says that kind of thing out loud, actually talks about their relationship or how he’s feeling. Danny normally has to pry it out of him, he’s not about to poke fun when Steve does it of his own accord.

 

“I’m happy too,” Danny smiles.

 

“And, er, for the first time in my life,” Steve continues like he’s about to tell Danny some state secret, “Sex isn’t the most important thing. Sex is great, but it’s not, it’s not _everything_.”

 

There’s nothing Danny can say to that, further talking about it is more likely to embarrass Steve than anything else. Instead he stretches up to kiss Steve, sweet and tender, before settling back down and hugging Steve.

 

“I love you, babe,” Danny says into Steve’s chest.

 

“You too, Danno,” Steve says with a happy sigh, “I love you too.”

 

There’s another short silence before Steve says, “You want dinner?”

 

“Yeah,” Danny agrees, though doesn’t make a move to get up, “You should probably get dressed to.”

 

“Mmm,” Steve replies, “Getting a little cold.”

 

“I know,” Danny smirks, “I can feel your nipple pressing into my cheek.”


	2. Chapter 2

When Danny had told Rachel about his relationship with Steve he didn’t expect it to go well. While Rachel had never been homophobic in the slightest, Danny still held the fear that she’d somehow use it to keep Grace from him. Instead Rachel had sounded pleased, said, “I’m really happy you’ve found someone, Danny,” and asked when Danny planned on telling Grace.

 

Grace was over the moon when Danny told her that he and Steve were together. After she’d finished telling Danny how much she liked Steve and “Does that mean I get to play on his beach more often?” she’d hugged Danny tightly and said, “This means Steve has to look after you now.”

 

Danny had just nodded, even though he wasn’t entirely sure that what Grace said was true. Up until then Steve had been alright, but Danny had been _married_ to Rachel and she’d barely been able to muster up any sympathy towards him for a few years before they’d gotten divorced. In sickness and in health apparently didn’t mean much. Danny hadn’t been sure how Steve was going to cope with dealing with Danny long term. Turned out that after a slightly rocky start, Steve was actually really great about it. Danny still couldn’t believe his luck.

 

Stan, who had always been uncomfortable around Danny anyway, didn’t seem to change after Rachel told him that Danny and Steve were dating. Danny couldn’t give a fuck about Stan’s opinion, other than to worry about Grace picking up on any homophobic feelings. A small nasty part of Danny always enjoyed making Stan uncomfortable, but this time Danny hoped he really was as decent as Rachel had made him out to be, as much as Danny wanted to hate the guy.

 

That was pretty much the end of it, other than Rachel sometimes asking after Steve when Danny picked Grace up. Rachel seemed to relax somewhat, Danny was less likely to pick fights with her. It worked. Danny had never expected that the following year Rachel would invite Danny and Steve for dinner for Grace’s birthday. Since the divorce Grace’s birthday had been celebrated with her parents separately.

 

Things go smoothly at first, the small talk mostly centring around Grace. Steve asks Stan about his job and Stan seems relaxed about the whole Steve and Danny dating thing, so really, things start off better than Danny expected.

 

It starts going downhill when they move to the dining room for dinner and Danny finds out what meal Rachel’s prepared. It’s a pasta dish that’s full of things Danny can’t eat, but to be fair, it’s one of Grace’s favourites. Danny of course doesn’t say anything; his parents raised him better than to complain about a meal in someone else’s house.

 

Out the corner of his eye, Danny notices Steve look at him and when Danny turns Steve frowns and his eyes dart down to the plate in front of him. Steve knows all the things Danny can and can’t eat, so he’s immediately spotted the problem. Danny shakes his head a little, indicating to Steve to let it drop, and while Steve doesn’t look happy about it, he nods and keeps his mouth shut.

 

Danny has to pick apart his dinner to find the bits he can eat, which is pretty much just the penne, although pasta itself is on the sometimes-causes-him-trouble list, a the little bits of chicken. He picks out the mushrooms and the bits of onion that he can find but it’s been all cooked together and the hopes of escaping the meal without consequences are pretty much zero.

 

There’s a lull in conversation and Stan asks, “Everything ok with the food Danny?”

 

Danny’s made a neat pile on the side of his plate of all the things he’s picked out of his food that he can’t eat. It’s a pretty big, obvious pile by now.

 

“Uh, no, it’s fine,” Danny says, and then looks at Rachel, “Thanks Rachel.”

 

Rachel looks like she’s trying not to scowl. Danny knows she knew she was cooking a meal that he couldn’t eat. There’s an awkward silence and Stan has the aura of a man not sure how the conversation took a nose-dive but knowing it’s better that he doesn’t ask. Steve makes like he’s going to say something and Danny can see by the set of his shoulders that whatever it is it’ll be confrontational. Danny slides a hand under the table and squeezes Steve’s knee, hoping that’s warning enough not to make a scene. Instead Steve stabs a mushroom on Danny’s plate and transfers it to his own.

 

“More for me,” Steve says, winking at Grace and making her laugh at his antics. The tension dissipates slightly and Danny rubs Steve’s thigh in a gesture of thanks.

 

“So,” Stan says, clearly trying to find a new topic of conversation, “It looks like gay marriage is likely to be legal here in a Hawaii soon. That’ll be nice. What do you think, Steve?”

 

Steve coughs and Danny watches as panic flitters across his face. Throughout the night Stan’s clearly gravitated towards Steve in a kind of brothers-in-arms we’re-both-with-people-who-used-to-be-married-to-each-other way. Danny doesn’t think Stan realises the implications of what he’s just asked. Danny, having had more exposure to Stan, knows he’s not implying that _Steve and Danny_ should get married; he really is just asking Steve his opinion.

 

“It’s, er, yeah. It’s good,” Steve forces out.

 

“It’s about time,” Stan says with conviction, and Danny wonders whether Stan’s attitude is of his own volition or whether Rachel or Grace had anything to do with it.

 

“Must have been a relief when Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed,” Stan comments, and Danny thinks Stan is trying a bit too hard to prove he’s not homophobic but it’s better then the alternative.

 

“Sure,” Steve says, and Danny wants to laugh at how Steve’s body language has changed, how he’s inching towards parade rest, even though he’s seated. Steve’s always been pretty evasive when outsiders ask him about his relationship with Danny, and Danny doesn’t blame him. DADT was hard on Steve like it would be on anyone not straight. It’s not always easy remembering that he can be open about it all. Danny can relate; cops aren’t known for their tolerance or liberal mindedness either. Things are better here, in Hawaii, than Danny could have imagined them being back in Jersey.

 

The rest of the evening passes without any more hiccups and after dinner Rachel brings out a birthday cake for Grace and they all sing happy birthday to her. Danny and Steve have Grace for the upcoming weekend, so they’ll give Grace her present then; a surfboard. It had been Steve’s idea, and Danny had balked at it at first; surfing seemed too dangerous for his baby girl. But Steve (and Kono) had convinced him it was the perfect gift for her, and Danny couldn’t deny that Grace would love it.

 

It’s Grace’s bedtime and Danny offers to tuck her in before they leave, which Grace is sleepily pleased about and thankfully Rachel doesn’t make any protests. He reads Grace a few pages from the book she’s reading as a bedtime story, even though she’s probably too old for it now. It’s as much for Danny as it is for her and she hasn’t complained yet.

 

Danny doesn’t think twice about leaving Steve alone downstairs with Rachel and Stan until he comes back down. Stan is nowhere to be seen and both Rachel and Steve have stony expressions; Rachel’s fiddling with her skirt like she does when she’s angry and Steve’s arms are crossed. Danny has no idea what could have happened in the short time he was upstairs with Grace, but clearly it was something serious. His mind supplies a million different scenarios, each one making him more nervous than the last.

 

“Grace is asleep,” Danny says and Rachel gives a sharp nod.

 

“Bye then,” Danny says cautiously, inching towards Steve. Whatever happened, Danny thinks it’s wise he and Steve leave before it starts up again.

 

“Goodnight, Daniel,” Rachel says in clipped tones.

 

Danny doesn’t have to wait to find out what happened, as soon as Steve’s backed the Camaro into the street, he bursts out, “I can’t believe her!”

 

“What?” Danny asks, anxiety weighing heavily in his stomach.

 

Steve’s fists clench about the steering wheel, “The minute you were gone she started in about your IBS.”

 

Danny’s not sure whether to be relieved that the more serious problems he’d imagined haven’t come to pass (homophobia, visitation restrictions) or pissed because his health is no longer Rachel’s business and he knows exactly what her opinion on the matter is, she’d never been afraid to tell him.

 

“What did she say?” Danny asks, morbid curiosity fuelling him.

 

“She said that she’d hoped my dating you would have made you happy enough to forget about your-” Steve grits his teeth as he says the next part, “ _Stupid imaginary illness_.”

 

Danny sighs. He should feel pissed. He does, but mostly he just feels resigned. He’s fought this battle so many times, to no avail.

 

“So what did you say?” Danny says, because he needs to know exactly how angry Rachel is.

 

“I told her she was an idiot, and why. In detail.” Steve says darkly.

 

A short laugh bubbles out of Danny, because he can just imagine Rachel’s face at that. His amusement fades quickly though. Rachel, for all that she’s a good mother, and she _is_ , she can be quite petty when it comes to trying to stop Danny from seeing Grace. He doesn’t want Steve’s need to defend Danny to jeopardize that.

 

“Jesus, babe,” Danny breathes out.

 

“What, I’m not just going to stand there and let her say shit like that about you, Danny! You’re not some attention seeking, weak-willed idiot! Like if you just tried harder it would go away. You have a chronic illness, fuck knows why she can’t accept that! I can _see_ how much you suffer, and she should have seen it too. Jesus like anyone would ever _want_ to go through what you go through. Bull. Shit.” Steve defends, and if Steve’s words and tone didn’t tell Danny just how furious Steve is, his even faster than normal driving certainly does.

 

“Okay, just ease up babe.”

 

Steve slows down to a more normal pace; still too fast for Danny’s liking, but he can live with it.

 

“She shouldn’t have made something she _knew_ you couldn’t eat,” Steve finishes.

 

“I’m pissed too,” Danny says, “I’m just more used to it. It took me a while to realize that fighting with people about this isn’t going to change their opinions. It normally just makes them feel more self-righteous.”

 

“People? As in not just Rachel?” Steve glances at Danny and as another car passes them the headlights illuminate Steve’s face. He’s got the I-need-to-know-everything-about-you expression on. 

 

“Yeah, well, Matty used to make fun of me about it and one of my sisters thinks I have an eating disorder, tried to convince me to go to therapy for it. Pops, well, I always got the impression I’d disappointed him by, I dunno, being weak or something. Ma was really the only person who tried to support me, but even she didn’t get it right all the time,” Danny shrugs, “Sometimes people mean well, but the road to hell and all that.”

 

“You shouldn’t have to be the understanding one, you’re the one who’s sick,” Steve growls.

 

“I’m just tired of fighting this,” Danny sighs, “I’m too tired to do anything but let it go. I don’t have the energy anymore to argue people into caring about me. It. This illness. Whatever. I spend it all on getting up everyday and trying to function like a normal human being.”

 

Steve’s quiet for the rest of the drive, processing what Danny just told him. When they get home they go about their nightly routine, turning off the downstairs lights and setting the alarm. When they’re in the bedroom Steve finally speaks.

 

“It’s not fair.”

 

“What?” Danny asks while slipping off his shoes.

 

“They’re your family and she was your wife, they should have supported you,” Steve says with vehemence.

 

Before Danny can respond Steve is crowding him against the bed and kissing him. Danny loves Steve like this, for all that Danny complains about him being a Neanderthal, Steve being protective turns Danny on big time.

 

They scramble to remove each other’s clothes and Steve lays Danny out on the bed. Steve buries his hand in Danny’s hair to tip Danny’s head back and kisses him deeply before trailing kisses down Danny’s exposed neck, pausing first to suck at that spot just below Danny’s ear. Danny runs his hands over Steve’s back, digging his fingertips in whenever Steve does something particularly hot.

 

Steve bites down gently on the flesh of Danny’s shoulder and Danny gasps and tightens his hold on Steve. Steve recaptures Danny’s mouth in his, trying to devour him, his hand going to Danny’s thigh, stroking along the sensitive inside up to where Danny’s balls hang heavily. Steve runs his fingertips alongside them, encouraging Danny to spread his legs. Steve settles between them, rolling his hips, dragging his cock against Danny’s. Danny grabs Steve’s ass, kneading the flesh there, encouraging Steve’s movements.

 

When Steve finally breaks the kiss they’re both breathless, achingly hard and rutting against each other. Steve rests his forehead on Danny’s and pants, “Want to fuck you.”

 

Danny’s hips buck; Steve sounds wrecked already and Danny wishes with all his might that he could say yes.

 

“Not safe,” Danny grits out bitterly, “Not after tonight’s meal.”

 

Steve’s eyes darken, angry with Rachel all over again and once again Danny resents his illness. Hates the fact that he can’t eat like a normal person, that he can’t give his lover what he wants. And what Danny wants too. He’d like nothing more than for Steve to fuck him right now.

 

“We can do the other thing,” Danny says, meaning intercrural. Danny wants to keep the mood, have them both get off and have something redeemable come out of tonight, go to sleep happy. They’ve had intercrural sex a number of times, when Steve feels the need to fuck but Danny doesn’t think anal sex is safe for him, or they’re too worked up to take the time to properly stretch one another. Danny’s less nervous about anal sex now, but on nights like tonight he just knows it will be a bad idea.

 

“Yeah, good, okay,” Steve says, already reaching for the lube in the bedside drawer. He doesn’t seem disappointed and Danny’s grateful for that.

 

“Turn ‘round, on your knees,” Steve directs, and Danny is more than happy to oblige.

 

Danny kneels with his knees together, crosses his arms and rests his forehead on them. Steve sucks in a breath behind him and Danny smiles; it’s always a heady experience to know he can affect Steve this way. He listens to Steve slick himself up. Steve grabs Danny’s hips and repositions him a little before sliding his cock between Danny’s thighs. Danny clenches his legs together to give Steve the tight channel that he’s looking for.

 

Steve makes sure each thrust presses up against Danny’s body, so that his cock pushes against that sensitive place behind Danny’s balls. Danny’s always surprised at how good it can feel, that he can actually get pleasure out of Steve fucking his thighs.

 

Danny frees a hand to cup his balls, getting his fingers in a place where they can touch the head of Steve’s cock. Steve grunts and thrusts harder, nudging into Danny’s hand and against his balls. Danny won’t come from this, but it still feels great and he knows that Steve will take care of him after he’s done. Until then, Danny can enjoy Steve without the cloudiness of impending orgasm. Steve’s hands are sweaty on Danny’s hips, and he can feel the flex of Steve’s thighs against the back of his legs as Steve thrusts.

 

“Fuck, Danny,” Steve gasps, readjusting his hold, hips jerking irregularly.

 

“Come on, babe,” Danny encourages, squeezing his thighs tighter, “I got you.”

 

It doesn’t take long after that, and with a hard thrust, Steve comes, filling Danny’s hand and coating his balls. Steve’s hips stutter, his cock giving a final jerk before Danny can feel Steve relax behind him, still trapped between Danny’s thighs. Steve lets go of Danny’s hips and drapes himself over Danny’s back, not so subtly encouraging Danny to straighten out beneath him. Steve helps guide Danny’s right leg, the knee stiff from kneeling, although kneeling on the bed is less of a problem than kneeling on the floor.

 

Steve lies heavily on Danny’s back, body limp and breathing deeply. Danny shifts under him, his cock now eager for attention.

 

“Babe?” Danny asks, not entirely sure Steve’s still awake. It would be unusual if he wasn’t. Steve’s more an energetic after sex kind of guy.

 

“Mmm,” Steve hums, nuzzling Danny’s neck.

 

“You gonna help me out any time soon?” Danny says, trying not to huff.

 

Danny feels Steve smile against his neck before he lifts off Danny to allow him to turn over. Steve settles back on Danny, rolling his hips and effectively cutting off anything Danny had to say. When Danny tries to buck up against him, Steve stills.

 

“You want something, D?” Steve says with the loose smile he always has after sex that makes him look adorable.

 

“Ugh, Steve, don’t tease me,” Danny complains, slipping his hand, still full of Steve’s come, between them and jacking his cock.

 

Steve nods and slides down until his face is level with Danny’s cock and stills Danny’s hand by encasing it with his own. He wastes no time wrapping his lips around Danny, his tongue doing clever things that always get Danny off quickly. Steve hums, tasting himself on Danny, and squeezes the hand around Danny’s cock. It’s simple and blissful and Danny shuffles his body into a more comfortable position and just _lets_ Steve. Trusts Steve to please him and just goes along for the ride.

 

Steve gets the fingers of his other hand up behind Danny’s balls, where he’s still covered in Steve come. Steve rubs Danny there, and Danny is almost too sensitive from Steve fucking him, but it just makes everything more intense. Because of his IBS, Danny doesn’t often get to experience the joy of prostate stimulation, but they’d discovered together that touching Danny’s perineum can be just as good.

 

Steve applies firm pressure; two fingers massaging circles up into Danny and making his hips buck uncontrollably. Danny sucks in a breath like a hiss. Steve flicks his tongue under the head of Danny’s cock and that’s it, that’s all Danny needs to come. Danny’s legs jerk as he empties his cock into Steve’s mouth, he grips the sheets with his free hand and his stomach muscles contract.

 

When Danny settles back onto the bed his whole body feels loose and syrupy. Steve pops off Danny’s cock with a self-satisfied grin but continues to rub Danny’s perineum. Steve does it every time and Danny is entirely sure it’s because after orgasm is makes Danny jerk.

 

And there he goes, his softening cock gives a valiant twitch and his legs jerk again. Steve’s smile widens and he presses even harder. This time Danny’s whole body is involved, trying to curl up into the pleasure and his stomach goes tight. A small spurt of come shoots out of Danny’s cock, lying half hard against his stomach now and _that’s_ never happened before. It’s the weirdest feeling, both intense and too short, like half an orgasm.

 

“Wow,” Steve whispers, and it takes Danny a beat to respond.

 

“Okay,” Danny says breathlessly, “You’ve had your fun.”

 

Suddenly Steve is leaning over Danny, face _right there_ , saying “Jesus, fuck, baby, that was hot.”

 

Steve kisses Danny deeply and Danny tries to respond, still catching up with what actually happened. He’s uncoordinated, but Steve doesn’t seem to mind, just goes on kissing Danny for all that he’s worth. Eventually Steve slows the kiss and pulls away with a sigh.

 

“Don’t get hard again,” Danny says, “You’ve killed me and you shouldn’t have sex with your lover’s corpse. It’s uncouth.”

 

Steve’s expression gets caught between disgusted and amused.

 

“Did I break you?” Steve finally asks.

 

“Yeah,” Danny smiles and pulls Steve in for another kiss.

 

“Clearly not broken enough, if you can use words like ‘uncouth’” Steve teases as he lies down next to Danny.

 

“Nothing can shut me up, babe, not even death,” Danny says, turning to face Steve.

 

“Hmm, I can think of a few things,” Steve grins salaciously, “Like my cock in your mouth, for example.”

 

Danny rolls his eyes.

 

Steve continues, “And movies, especially ones that make you cry.”

 

Steve brushes his thumb over Danny’s cheek like he’s wiping away imaginary tears. Danny leans into his touch.

 

“And malasadas, although those sometimes make you moan, so I’m not sure that counts.”

 

“Your cock makes me moan too,” Danny shoots back, “Anyway, all you’ve proven is that I don’t talk literally all the time. I don’t think that counts, especially times when I’m physically unable to speak.”

 

Steve opens his mouth to speak, but Danny cuts him off, “Don’t argue with me about this, babe, you’re gonna lose.”

 

Steve does his best to look affronted, but he’s too content and satisfied to put any real effort into it.

 

“You should bathe me,” Danny says, poking Steve in the chest.

 

“Excuse me?” Steve asks.

 

“My nuts are covered in your come and I don’t want them sticking to my leg like last time,” Danny grimaces, remembering, “Plus we’ve established that I’m dead. Or broken. Something. Either way I’m incapable of washing myself.”

 

“Yeah, you’re something, alright,” Steve says, getting up with more energy, if you ask Danny, than should be normal at this time of night, after orgasm no less.

 

Steve pulls Danny out of bed and ushers him into the bathroom. Danny is sleepily compliant. Steve gets them both into the shower for a quick wash and Danny luxuriates in the pampering. Dried and dressed, they get back into bed and Danny settles himself into Steve’s side, arm and leg thrown over him.

 

“Night babe, love you,” Danny mumbles.

 

Danny feels Steve press a kiss to his hair and then he’s out like a light.


	3. Chapter 3

Danny is woken up the next morning by Steve’s cock pressing into his hip and Steve placing kisses along his chest. They’ve changed position during the night, mirroring the way they went to sleep. Danny brings his hand up to stroke down Steve’s back and gives Steve’s ass a squeeze.

 

“You awake?” Steve asks.

 

“Yeah,” Danny says, but keeps his eyes closed. The fog of sleep is leaving him and he should be enjoying Steve’s attentions. Instead he’s all too aware of a growing pain in his stomach.

 

“You were so hot last night, Danny,” Steve drops another kiss to Danny’s pec, “When you came again, fuck.”

 

Steve cups Danny’s face and kisses him, mindless of any morning breath from either of them. Danny tries to ignore his stomach, wants this time with Steve so badly. Steve loves morning sex and, really, Danny does too. But all too soon Danny’s pushing Steve away because he needs to get to the bathroom _now_.

 

“Fuck,” Danny says, getting up, “Sorry, bathroom.”

 

It’s a few painful minutes before Danny comes back into the bedroom. Steve sitting up, propped against the headboard with his hand around his cock. Steve’s hard, flushed red and probably aching for it. Danny’s aching in a different way and completely limp with no hope of getting it up anytime soon. Danny sees the moment it dawns on Steve that sex is off the table; Steve’s face goes blank and his eyes dart away. Steve takes his hand off his cock.

 

“I’m sorry,” Danny says, reaching out to Steve, but Steve pulls away before Danny can touch him.

 

“It’s fine,” Steve says, getting out of bed, his dick bobbing with his movements, “I’ll just…”

 

Steve nods towards the bathroom and disappears without finishing his sentence. Danny hears the shower turn on almost immediately and tries not to think about what Steve is obviously doing in there. Danny gets back into bed, facing away from the bathroom door. Frustration prickles at his eyes and he clenches his jaw. He hates his body more than he can stand.

 

Steve’s shower is short, and if Danny had to guess he’d say it was exactly three minutes. He listens as Steve putters around the bathroom, probably shaving and brushing his teeth. When Steve comes out he’s silent and Danny can’t bring himself to turn over and look at him. They’ve discussed how Steve feels about times like this and Danny trusts the Steve doesn’t hold it against him. But there’s no way Steve’s not disappointed, hasn’t been left unsatisfied. What they’ve never talked about is how _Danny_ feels. Danny can’t imagine bringing it up; how he feels like a failure, not so much less of a man, though that too, but less of a person. Not all the time, but on days like these, in pain and not able to do what any normal person would be able to. He’s not even forty yet, he should be able to have sex with his boyfriend without complications.

 

Mentally, emotionally, Danny wanted to, _still_ wants to, have sex with Steve. He yearns for it, like he’s hard and ready to go. Except his stomach is still radiating pain and his dick is essentially useless. It’s the most dissatisfying feeling and Danny wants to shout and throw things at the injustice of it all.

 

Steve’s gotten dressed and he sits on the bed to put his boots on.

 

“You should stay home today,” Steve says, and a glance tells Danny that Steve’s not looking at him. Danny doesn’t say anything; his chest is too tight and he doesn’t trust his voice.

 

“I’ll see you tonight,” Steve says and pats Danny awkwardly on the shoulder before leaving. Danny listens to Steve go down the stairs and the front door open and close and the familiar sound of the Camaro revving as Steve pulls out into the street and drives off. Danny checks the time. It’s a full hour before they’d normally leave for work. Danny pulls the duvet over his head. There’s another stabbing pain in his stomach and he chokes back a sob.

 

+

 

When Steve comes home that night he acts like nothing’s wrong. They have dinner, they watch tv, Steve tells Danny about work. It’s all very normal. Except for the fact that Steve hasn’t touched Danny once. He’s been orbiting Danny like they’re both the same side of a magnet and can’t touch. And Danny’s not going to force it. He’s still too fragile from this morning and it’s better not to know whether Steve will pull away from him if Danny tries or not.

 

Danny goes to bed early, though he can’t sleep. Steve slips into bed quietly about an hour later. Danny pretends he’s not awake and he’s not sure whether it works or not, but Steve spoons up behind him and presses a kiss to his shoulder.

 

Sleep comes quickly after that.

 

+

 

The next weekend Danny and Steve have Grace after Grace’s birthday sees Danny having another bad flare-up. It starts Friday night and Grace doesn’t complain about a quiet night in watching movies and eating popcorn. Nor does she complain when Danny has to pause the movie at least five times to go to the bathroom. She just nods approvingly when Steve leans in and asks Danny if there’s anything he can do, and then her attention goes back to the movie.

 

Saturday morning, however, things go pear-shaped. Danny had promised her a trip to the beach to continue her surfing lessons but it soon becomes clear to Danny that he’s in no shape to leave the house today. Danny brings it up over breakfast (pancakes for Grace and Steve, and Ensure for Danny. Anything else would be too harsh on Danny’s stomach, as much as he’d like to join in on the pancakes.)

 

“Grace,” Danny begins, “I know I said we’d go to the beach today, but we’re going to have to change plans.”

 

Grace looks up sharply, with large pleading eyes, “But Danno, you promised!”

 

Danny hates it when she does that, it’s so hard to say no to her.

 

“I know, Monkey,” Danny says, adopting his Reasonable Parent voice, “But I’m too sick to go out today.”

 

“Can’t Uncle Steve just take me?” Grace says, turning her beseeching look on Steve.

 

Steve is a soft touch, and Grace knows it. Danny steps in before Steve can agree, trying not to be hurt that Grace would rather spend time at the beach than with Danny.

 

“Look, you can play on the beach here, if Steve doesn’t mind taking you out,” Danny says.

 

“Of course not,” Steve replies quickly.

 

“But the waves aren’t good here!” Grace whines, and it reminds Danny that they’ll be heading into the difficult teenage years soon, and he has to suppress a shudder.

 

“Grace,” Danny warns, which just seems to make her angrier.

 

“But why?! There’s no reason for us not to go just because _you_ can’t!” Grace says loudly.

 

“Because I said so!” Danny replies, and immediately winces. He always hated when his parents said that. But Danny doesn’t want to tell Grace that he’s not willing to put that kind of pressure on Steve. Looking after a kid in such a crowded and potentially dangerous place is a lot to ask, and while Danny has no doubt that Steve would be nothing other than stellar at looking after Grace, Danny just doesn’t want to put Steve in that position. His secondary reason, ok, his main reason, is that he actually wants to spend time with his little girl this weekend, given how short his time with her actually is. Alternate weekend and Wednesdays just aren’t enough for Danny and his heart aches every day that he doesn’t get to see her.

 

Grace storms out of the kitchen, leaving her last pancake half eaten. Danny immediately wants to call her back, tell her she and Steve can go out. But he doesn’t, he’s made his decision and as much as he wants Grace to be happy, always and forever, he can’t give in to everything she demands.

 

“She’ll calm down,” Steve says, resting a hand on Danny’s shoulder. Danny nods, because he knows she will. He also knows that until she does, and they make up, Danny is going to hate every second. It kills Danny when Grace is upset, especially when it’s him that’s upset her.

 

Danny’s stomach cramps and he gets up to go to the bathroom yet again. When he comes out Steve tells him that he and Gracie had a chat and she’s agreed to play on Steve’s beach today. Danny buries his jealousy that Steve and Grace get to spend time together. Grace comes downstairs dressed in her swimsuit, smiling until she sees Danny.

 

“You got sun screen on, Monkey?” Danny asks, which earns him a shrug from Grace before she heads outside. Steve grimaces and looks apologetically at Danny.

 

“Just make sure she’s got some on,” Danny tells Steve, “We don’t need sunburn on top of this.”

 

Danny was planning to sit out on the lanai so he could watch Steve and Grace swim and play, so he could feel like a part of the fun, even if only as an observer. But given Grace’s cold shoulder he decides instead to go back upstairs. Danny takes his painkillers and climbs back into bed. He tells himself he’s not moping but two seconds later he stops being in denial and accepts that he really, really is. Once again his body has let him down, let someone he loves down. Grace will forgive him, Danny knows, but he can’t help but wonder how many more times he’s got before she doesn’t.

 

+

 

Danny must have fallen asleep, because he’s awoken by Grace crawling into bed with him. Her hair is still wet and smelling of the sea, but she’s otherwise dry and clothed.

 

“Hey baby,” Danny says, his voice hoarse from sleep. He reaches out to move a strand of hair from Grace’s face so he can see her better.

 

“Daddy,” Grace says, expression sombre, “I’m sorry I got mad.”

 

“Apology accepted,” Danny says, relieved that Grace isn’t angry anymore, “I’m sorry too, that I couldn’t keep my promise.”

 

“It’s okay,” Grace snuggles closer to Danny, “Uncle Steve explained to me that sometimes it’s hard for you to leave the house, and that it’s not easy feeling left out.”

 

Danny’s heart swells at that, struck by how lucky he is to have both Grace and Steve in his life.

 

“It’s true,” Danny kisses Grace’s forehead, “Uncle Steve has a way of making sense of things, doesn’t he?”

 

“I do,” Steve’s voice comes from the direction of the door.

 

Danny lifts his head to see Steve leaning against the door-jam, smug grin firmly in place.

 

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” Danny says, “I’m genuinely concerned that your head might explode if it gets any bigger.”

 

Grace giggles next to him and Danny shoots her a smile.

 

“Did you know, Monkey,” Danny turns back to Grace, “That Steve is a cuddle-monster?”

 

Grace sits up excitedly. “He is?!” she gasps, “Uncle Steve, why didn’t you _tell_ me?”

 

“Well I didn’t want to scare you, Gracie,” Steve says in mock seriousness, easily going along with Danny.

 

“Cuddle-monsters aren’t scary!” Grace scoffs.

 

“We aren’t?” Steve asks, stalking towards the bed.

 

“No!” Grace giggles, and that’s when Steve pounces, jumping onto the bed so that he’s on top of both Danny and Grace, (although he’s clearly taking most of his own weight to avoid squishing them) much to Grace’s squeals of delight.

 

Steve roars and flops onto the other side of Grace and flings his arm over her and Danny, trapping her between them.

 

“Haha!” Steve says dramatically, “You can never escape me now!”

 

“But Ste-eve,” Grace tries to chide, “We have to have lunch now.”

 

“You mean you can’t survive on just cuddles?” Steve asks, “You humans are weird!”

 

Danny’s hit, not for the first time, how much he loves Steve. It fills his heart to bursting, the way Steve is with Grace, and that Grace clearly adores him too. His previous bad mood has lifted, thanks to Grace being happy again. They go downstairs for lunch, Grace chatting the entire time about she and Steve did on the beach that morning. Steve makes them something suitably easy on Danny’s stomach and when they’re washing up, Danny presses a kiss to Steve’s temple and whispers, “Thanks, babe.” It doesn’t even come close to explaining how Danny feels.


	4. Chapter 4

Danny is exhausted. In truth, he always is. He can’t remember the last time he felt physically well. Every day is a challenge to be able to lead a functional life. Some days worse than others, but they are never good. Sometimes he can ignore it; the effort he has to put in. Sometimes, he’ll admit, all he wants to do is lie in bed and forget about responsibilities. He never does though. He’s not wired to be carefree. Even if he didn’t have a chronic illness he’d spend his time worrying about all manner of other things. He worries about everything else anyway. Danny’s not sure there’s a limit to how much worry one person can produce.

 

Steve is away for the week on reserves training, and that’s one thing Danny is trying _not_ to worry about. Danny is in charge of 5-0 while Steve is away (not that there’s much of a hierarchy in 5-0) and Danny would rather focus his attention on that than think about Steve doing crazy SEAL shit, even if it is routine crazy SEAL shit.

 

The first half of the week goes well, if slowly. There’s a marked decline in life threatening situations without Steve there, but Danny goes home lonely every night and Danny wouldn’t trade Steve for the world, even including for his own personal safety.

 

On Wednesday things at the office are quiet, which is fortunate because midmorning Danny starts feeling iffy, his stomach feeling unsettled. He struggles through lunch, barely able to eat. Danny doesn’t know what to do when he feels like this; insanely hungry but sick to his stomach. He knows eating will actually make him feel better, stop that gnawing ache and low-level nausea, but the thought of food makes his throat tighten. His body is urging him to eat, he feels frantic with it, but every item of food he looks at or thinks about is entirely unappetising. He is so thoroughly irritated by it, and low blood-sugar is probably contributing a large part to that. He hasn’t eaten nearly enough today and his head aches with it.

 

The solution is to eat. He knows that. So he tries a bite of the sandwich he couldn’t finish for lunch. It’s like cardboard in his mouth and he knows it’s not the sandwich’s fault; he’s enjoyed it well enough before. One swallow and his heartburn makes itself known; the pain clawing its way from his chest, up his throat. A mouthful of antacid helps; lessens the nausea and the pain. It does nothing for his appetite.

 

Danny is still hungry, still sick, and there’s nothing he can do about it except wait it out. He drinks a cup of coffee and follows it with painkillers for the headache and hopes the day will go quickly. It doesn’t. He wakes up that night choking on stomach acid and his chest and throat burning like hell. He swallows down more antacid and tries to go back to sleep.

 

+

 

The next day they get called to a crime scene in the Sacred Falls Park; two hikers bludgeoned to death, and the third and fourth victims respectively, to be found in the Park in the past month.

 

Danny chats to Max about cause of death while Kono and Chin talk to the first responders and the hiker who found the body. Danny tries to focus on what Max is saying about angle of blows and what humidity does to dead bodies, but he’s distracted by his stomach which is starting to hurt. He really doesn’t need this now. They’re already compromised with Steve away, they can’t afford Danny being out of action too.

 

As they wrap up the crime scene the pain in Danny’s stomach grows steadily worse. It’s so bad by the time they’re ready to go that Danny knows it isn’t safe for him to drive; he’s too distracted. Chin has already left on his motorbike and Kono caught a ride with Danny. He tosses the keys of his car to Kono.

 

“You’re letting me drive?” Kono says incredulously.

 

Danny shrugs. He doesn’t want to have to explain. As much as Kono and Chin have been cool with him since they found out about his IBS, he’s still embarrassed to talk to them about it or in anyway bring attention to it.

 

“You gonna argue or you gonna drive?” Danny asks.

 

Kono unlocks the car quickly and slides into the driver’s seat. Danny lowers himself into the passenger seat, trying to suppress a wince.

 

“Not arguing,” she says, gunning the engine, “Just thought you’d want to drive your own car for once, with Steve being away.”

 

“Yeah, well…” Danny trails off, unwilling to tell her the reason.

 

They’re halfway back to Honolulu when Danny realizes that he’s going to be in trouble and soon. There’s no way he’s going to make it back to HQ before he needs the bathroom.

 

“Hey Kono,” Danny begins, aiming for unconcerned, “Are there any public restrooms around here?”

 

“Nah,” Kono says, glancing at Danny, “Not until we get back to Honolulu.”

 

Well shit. Danny tries to tell himself he can hold on. The pain in his stomach says otherwise, but Danny hopes that if he can manage that then maybe he’ll make it. He tries to breathe deeply, focussing on relaxing. He’ll be forever grateful that he went to birthing classes with Rachel before Grace was born. Learning to breathe through pain has come in handy countless times. Ironically he’s gotten more use out of it than Rachel. It helps slightly, takes his pain down a notch from excruciating to just extremely sore. At least it’s an improvement. It also helps quell his panic.

 

Kono shoots a few worried glances at Danny, but he ignores them in favour of maintaining his shaky calmness.

 

“Danny?” Kono asks eventually, “You alright?”

 

Danny breathes out another deep breath and debates whether to tell Kono the truth. A sharp spike in pain makes the decision for him.

 

“Yeah, uh, just battling with pain at the moment. You sure there aren’t any restrooms around here?”

 

Kono shakes her head, “Are you having a flare-up?”

 

“Yeah,” Danny nods, trying not to be embarrassed. Kono is as close to him as a sister, and so far has been more supportive of him than his actual blood sisters. He knows she understands, but it’s still hard to expose something so private. Danny still sometimes has issues with Steve knowing.

 

“Ok,” Kono says, “I’ve got an auntie who lives near here, we’ll go there.”

 

Danny starts shaking his head, “Kono, that’s-“

 

“Your only option,” Kono interrupts, switching the lights and sirens on and speeding up.

 

Danny grabs the handle above the door and tries to ignore the lurching in his stomach as Kono races along. Really, she’s as bad as Steve. Kono weaves in and out of traffic, shouting when people don’t move out the way fast enough. It doesn’t help Danny’s anxiety, which is now skyrocketing thanks to the thought of having to use a stranger’s bathroom. Danny knows there isn’t a way around it, and you’d think he’d be used to this kind of humiliation by now, but he’s not.

 

Kono turns a corner and slows down slightly as they enter a residential area. Danny breaths a sigh of relief, but the feeling doesn’t last long as they pull up in front of a house.

 

“Come on, brah,” Kono says, seeing Danny’s hesitation.

 

Kono rings the bell and the woman who answers is short, even shorter than Danny, and pleasantly plump. She looks kind and smiles broadly when she sees Kono. Danny shifts uneasily, both at the growing need to use the bathroom and the awkwardness of the situation. Kono whispers something to the auntie that Danny doesn’t catch, too distracted by half. The woman’s face softens sympathetically and she beckons Danny in and guides him to the bathroom just off the hallway.

 

“No problem, dear, no problem,” she says, leaving Danny to his privacy.

 

Danny leaves the bathroom some time later to find Kono and the woman out on the lanai. He feels terribly rude, he doesn’t even know this woman’s name.

 

“Thank you for your hospitality, Ms- uh,” Danny looks to Kono for guidance.

 

“Please, Danny” the woman says, “call me Auntie Malana, everyone does.”

 

“Thank you, Auntie Malana,” Danny smiles self-consciously. He’s still not entirely used to the warmth and familiarity of Hawaiian culture, though now that he’s more settled and less resentful of being there, he’s found himself appreciating it more. Not that he’d admit it.

 

“Mahalo, Auntie,” Kono says, “We have to get back to work now.”

 

Malana hugs Kono tightly and laughs when Danny holds out his hand to shake hers.

 

“You won’t get away that easily,” she smiles before pulling Danny into a hug. Danny pats her back awkwardly and glares at Kono when he sees her trying not to laugh.

 

“Come back anytime,” Malana says, seeing them off.

 

When they’re back in the car, Kono still driving, Danny says, “She’s… something.”

 

Kono smiles. “Remember that friend I told you about? Who also has IBS?”

 

“Yeah,” Danny nods.

 

“That’s her mom. So don’t worry, Auntie Malana gets it,” Kono says.

 

“So she’s supportive of your friend then?” Danny asks.

 

“Yeah, of course,” Kono says, like she couldn’t contemplate any different. There’s a beat where it clearly dawns on Kono that not everyone might be. “Aren’t yours?”

 

“They try,” Danny answers, fudging the truth a little. His mom tries, but his father never really has.

 

Kono frowns but doesn’t say anything else, much to Danny’s gratitude. They’re both quiet until Danny notices Kono isn’t taking the route back to HQ, but the way to Steve’s place.

 

“Hey, where are you going?” Danny demands.

 

“I’m taking you home,” Kono says, like there isn’t another option.

 

“Oh no you aren’t! We’re going back to the office. We have a case to solve!” Danny says.

 

“Chin and I can handle it, you need your rest.”

 

Danny takes a deep breath so that he doesn’t shout at her. He knows Kono is just trying to be a friend.

 

“I’m fine to work, we’re already a man down with Steve away, I’m not leaving you and Chin with only half a team,” Danny says, much more evenly than he thought he could muster.

 

Kono glares at Danny and Danny holds her gaze determinedly.

 

“Ok, fine,” Kono says, turning left onto a road that will take them back to HQ, “But if there’s any fieldwork to do, Chin and I will handle it.”

 

“Yes, mom,” Danny teases, making Kono smile.

 

+

 

To be completely honest, Danny should have taken Kono’s advice and just gone home. The cramps don’t let up and he spends just as much time in the bathroom as he does going over the case with Chin and Kono. He can’t avoid taking his meds with the way he feels and they’re making him lethargic and his head foggy.

 

Still, they manage to throw around a few theories about the case. Nothing connects the victims other than they were all hiking illegally in the park, which was closed a while back. Danny’s pet theory is that they all stumbled upon something in the forest that someone didn’t want them reporting. But it’s just that; a theory. Without evidence each theory is just as plausible as the last. They’re still waiting on the autopsy results from Max, which will only be ready tomorrow. Eventually they call it a night and Chin offers to drive Danny home. Danny can barely keep his eyes open, so he grudgingly says yes.

 

Chin drives Danny’s car and Kono follows behind them so that she can take Chin home. They both ask Danny multiple times if there’s anything they can do for him, and while he’s grateful for the concern, all he really wants is to be left in peace. He waves them off and heads into the house. The house is a mess, much messier than it ever gets when Steve’s home. Danny misses Steve something awful, and the house feels empty without him so Danny tries to fill it up with chaos. It doesn’t really work much.

 

Danny drinks Ensure for supper and tries not to think about how the night would be different with Steve there. Steve would make Danny shower while he fixed dinner. He’d urge Danny to go to bed early and Danny would put up a half-hearted fight out of habit more than anything. Danny might even get a head rub out Steve.

 

Danny sighs and heads upstairs. He decides to shower in the morning, too exhausted now to do anything but change and get into bed. It’s only four more days until Steve comes home and they can’t pass fast enough. It scares Danny sometimes, how much Steve fills up his life. Danny had gotten used to being on his own after Rachel and never thought he’d ever let someone get so close to him again. Of course Steve had barely given him a choice. Not that, in the end, Danny would have chosen to walk away from Steve. Not when Steve had strong-armed Danny into 5-0, not when they’d become friends and certainly not when they’d become lovers.

 

The bed is horribly cold without Steve in it, but Danny is too tired to dwell on it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably say here that I know next to nothing about the navy, and that any details mentioned are for story/emotional purposes.

Danny, Chin and Kono wrap up the case the day before Steve comes home. Turns out Danny’s theory was right. Max finding traces of chemicals in the wounds of the victims leads them to a meth lab in the park. The hikers were just unfortunate enough to come across it. The raid on the lab goes off without a hitch. An unusually easy case for 5-0, much to Danny’s relief. He’s still not back to normal, or what would be considered normal for him. He feels completely wrung-out.

 

Danny spends the night before Steve’s due home cleaning the house, as much as he’d just like to fall into bed. He knows coming home to a messy house will annoy Steve, and Danny wants their reunion to be without conflict.

 

Steve returns like a whirl-wind, all suave smiles and wild eyes. He finds Danny in the kitchen in the morning, getting ready for work. Danny barely has time to say hello before Steve is on him, kissing him like his life depends on it. It’s one of the better greetings Danny’s ever received. They make it to the lounge before Steve has Danny on his back. He pins Danny to the couch, rutting against him like they’ve been apart for months instead of only a week.

 

“Need you,” Steve murmurs, breath hot in Danny’s ear.

 

“Fuck,” Danny gasps, “Yeah.”

 

Then Steve is undoing Danny’s pants and ripping them off with his boxers, taking Danny’s shoes on the way and on any other day Danny would complain but he’s missed Steve far too much and he’s way too turned on.

 

Steve settles between Danny’s legs, his clothed erection rubbing against Danny’s bare cock in a not entirely pleasant way. But Steve’s been away for a week and Danny will take anything he can get. Soon enough Steve is sitting up and undoing his cargo pants and pulled his boxer-briefs down just enough to free his cock.

 

Steve touches his fingers lightly to Danny’s ass, the first moment of calmness he’s exhibited since he arrived home.

 

“You ok to do this?” Steve asks, and while Danny isn’t entirely sure he _is_ ok, he can’t say no, doesn’t want to.

 

“Yeah,” Danny answers, voice raspy.

 

Danny can see Steve hesitating, so he widens his legs and says, “Come Army-boy, fuck me.”

 

Steve smirks and fishes lube out of one of his many pockets and wastes no time in slicking up his fingers and pushing one into Danny quickly. He finds Danny’s prostate immediately and massages it, watching as Danny’s cock twitches and his hip buck.

 

“Navy, Danny,” Steve says. Danny barely registers that Steve is speaking.

 

Steve presses Danny’s prostate a little bit harder, “Say it, Danny.”

 

“What?” Danny gasps.

 

“Navy,” Steve commands, like he’s barking orders.

 

“Ah- Army,” Danny manages, grinning and resisting the urge to squirm away from Steve’s finger.

 

Steve withdraws his finger and adds more lube before pressing two fingers into Danny.

 

“Navy,” Steve says, punctuating the word by once again pressing into Danny’s prostate and _oh God_ Danny’s going to come before Steve’s even inside of him but it’s too much fun to rile Steve up. Danny can’t give in now.

 

“Army,” Danny repeats, though it feels nearly impossible to talk.

 

Danny jerks when he feels Steve bite his thigh and it’s probably only the shock of it that keeps him from coming right then and there. Then Steve’s pulling his fingers out again and squirting lube into the palm of his hand and jerking himself roughly. Before Danny’s knows it, Steve’s lining up and pushing in. It stings a little because it’s been a while and Steve didn’t take much time to stretch him, but it’s nothing Danny can’t handle and it feels so good to be full, taken by Steve.

 

Steve doesn’t wait for Danny to adjust, just sets a harsh pace that leaves Danny frantic and panting. Danny grabs at Steve’s shoulders, encouraging Steve to bend down so Danny can wrap his arms around Steve’s neck and hang on for dear life. Danny’s just about to come when Steve stops moving, buried deep inside Danny.

 

“Uh,” Danny gasps, “Fuck.”

 

“Say it,” Steve says, panting.

 

“Ar-army,” Danny grits out, although he doesn’t really know why he’s still playing this game. At this point he really just wants to come, but he also doesn’t want Steve to win.

 

“Believe me Danny,” Steve says, his tight voice and trembling body telling Danny just how close to the edge Steve is as well, “You should be happy to say Navy, the Army boys can’t fuck for shit.”

 

Danny blinks. “I don’t want to know how you know that.”

 

Steve bites the side of Danny’s neck, licks his way up to Danny’s ear and whispers, “Say it.”

 

Danny decides that at this point it’s better to concede than see what else Steve will do to delay his pleasure.

 

“Navy,” Danny says grudgingly.

 

Steve circles his hips and it’s fucking delicious but then he stops and says “Say it again.”

 

“Fuck you, SEAL boy,” is Danny’s automatic response.

 

Steve just smiles and starts up a slow rhythm, his whole body rolling into it like he was made for the sole purpose of fucking brilliantly.

 

“If you say it again I’ll jack you off,” Steve says breathily.

 

“Navy,” Danny growls angrily, not missing the way Steve’s hips stutter when Danny speaks, “Navy, Navy, Navy. Do you want me to sing that fucking Village People song? It’ll really fit in with the big gay love thing we’ve got going on.”

 

“Except neither of us is actually gay,” Steve says, getting his rhythm back.

 

“Big bisexual love, then. Whatever, are you gonna make me come or do you want to discuss how we label ourselves some more, Steven?”

 

Steve huffs out a laugh and props himself up with one hand so that he can grasp Danny’s cock. The urge to talk recedes and Danny relaxes back into the couch and lets Steve do his thing. Danny’s been close to the edge so many times now, it feels difficult to get there again. But Steve knows all the hotspots on Danny’s body well and in a few minutes he’s back there, that pressure low in his stomach and the tingle in his spine. Danny bites his lip and tenses in anticipation. If he doesn’t come soon he thinks he’ll cry.

 

“Yeah, come on baby,” Steve says, tightening his grip on Danny and jacking him faster.

 

The pressure builds and builds and for a second Danny thinks it’ll never end, but then he’s coming all over his shirt, his entire body spasming and his mind blissfully blank for a few seconds. Steve fucks him through it, keeping up the pace even though it must be exhausting by now. It takes a further few minutes for Steve to come and Danny is sensitive as hell, unsure whether he’s feeling pleasure or pain by then but too blissed out to care.

 

Steve stills and, groaning, he comes. His face slackens, looses that determined look and when he finally blinks open his eyes and looks at Danny his expression is soft and warm and Danny thinks _finally, Steve’s home._

 

Danny’s about to pass out when Steve withdraws, causing Danny to hiss. His ass hurts now that the euphoria has lessened, though Danny’s sure he’s not actually injured, just a little overused.

 

Steve pats Danny’s thigh as says, “Thanks for that.” It’s unusually impersonal.

 

Danny watches Steve wipe the excess lube off his dick with a tissue and then tuck himself back in. Danny had hoped there would be a little afterglow cuddling from Steve, but he’s already got the energetic look in his eyes and Danny knows that Steve will be impossible for the rest of the day.

 

“Come on, Danno, let’s go,” Steve says, practically vibrating with pent-up energy.

 

“Yeah, I’m gonna need a minute,” Danny says, looking down at himself. His shirt is bunched up around his middle and even if it wasn’t now creased beyond use, he’d still have to change it because there’s come all over it. Which brings Danny’s attention to his ass, which is leaking come and really, Danny should have insisted on a condom this time, given that he has work to get to.

 

“Ok,” Steve says distractedly, “I’ll meet you at work then.”

 

Before Danny has time to respond Steve is already leaving and Danny gapes at Steve’s retreating back. Steve may have his distant moments, but this is weird even for him. Danny can’t help but wonder what’s changed, what’s happened in the last week.

 

Danny gets up and heads back upstairs for his second shower of the day and a change of clothes. He needs to find out what happened to Steve.

 

+

 

When Danny gets to work everything seems normal with Steve. So normal, in fact, that Danny questions if he imagined Steve’s weirdness earlier. Steve’s catching up with Chin and Kono about what he missed and it’s not until Chin asks how Steve’s week was that Steve gets a guarded look in his eyes. He waves Chin off, says “Oh, you know, the regular training stuff.”

 

If Chin and Kono find anything strange about Steve’s response they don’t show it. Maybe Danny was just being sensitive. Maybe his expectations are just out of sync. They catch another case before Danny has more time to muse on it.

 

Steve is a wild thing, taking every risk he can, acting like he’s the only one pursuing the case instead of being part of a team. It’s annoying to say the least, but Steve does it all with such misguided joy that Danny can’t fault him. Much. Ok, so Danny complains the entire time, but his heart isn’t entirely in it and he doesn’t try too hard to restrain Steve. Danny figures Steve just needs to readjust to being back on the island and in a day or too he’ll return to his normal mania.

 

When they get home that night Steve is all over Danny again, just as frantic as he was in the morning. Danny gets them to the bedroom this time and Steve strips like it’s a competition. Steve helps Danny with his clothes, pushes him onto the bed and straddles Danny’s chest.

 

“Want you to suck me,” Steve’s voice is low and gravely.

 

Danny bites back a moan and happily obliges, lifting his head up to take Steve into his mouth. Steve cups the back of Danny’s head, takes the weight to stop Danny from straining too much and starts thrusting slowly into Danny’s mouth. Danny does his best to keep up the suction and tongue at Steve’s cock. Danny brings his hands to Steve’s ass and palms the globes. Steve’s thrusts quicken a little.

 

It doesn’t take long before Steve grunts, “Gonna come.”

 

Danny is ready for him, swallows Steve down and sucks him through his orgasm. It takes a moment for Steve to come to his senses again, but when he does he gets off of Danny and has a hand wrapped around Danny’s cock before Danny can track what’s going on. Steve sets a brutal pace, spitting in his hand when he needs more slick and Danny clutches at Steve’s thigh. Danny comes without warning and Steve milks him through it, crushing his mouth to Danny’s as he does so.

 

Then Steve’s out of bed and heading to the bathroom. He comes back with a wet cloth and throws it so that it lands on Danny’s stomach.

 

“I’m going for a swim,” Steve says with a pleased smile, “You were great.”

 

With that Steve leaves the room and Danny is left to wonder again what the fuck is wrong with Steve.

 

+

 

The next week follows with much the same. Steve is reckless at work, though that has calmed down some, and at home the sex is sharp and demanding and sometimes rough. At first Danny doesn’t mind the sex too much, though the way Steve can’t seem to get away fast enough once they’re done leaves a lot to be desired. A change of pace is always good and their sex life, while satisfying, had been getting a little samey. But towards the end of the week the quick fucks are getting on Danny’s nerves. Danny misses taking it slow, exploring each other’s bodies. Hell, Danny misses foreplay. Danny also misses being in control; Steve being domineering is hot, but their relationship has never been this unequal before.

 

Another thing that Danny misses is affection. While Steve will slap Danny on the back or grip his shoulder to emphasis a point, the softer, private touches are all but gone. Danny misses the way Steve would play with his hair and the absentminded caresses when they watched TV. The only time it feels anything like normal is when Steve asleep and he naturally gravitates towards Danny and snuggles up close to him. Danny’s taken to trying to stay awake longer than Steve just so that he can experience a few minutes of that.

 

What confuses Danny is that Steve doesn’t seem to mind when Danny is affectionate with him. It allays some of Danny’s fears; that Steve’s grown tired of Danny or that Steve’s cheating on him. Danny detects no guilt from Steve, just an unfathomable distance.

 

When Steve tells Danny that Catherine is going to be in town Danny suggests that they go out for dinner together, the three of them. Steve seems pretty eager and frankly it’s the most happy Danny’s seen Steve since he returned, so Danny doesn’t second guess his suggestion until they’re sitting down in the restaurant together.

 

The thing is, Danny’s always liked Catherine, even when he was jealous of the fact that she and Steve slept together. And he still likes her; she’s charming, a good conversationalist, and happy to spill the beans on Steve. But Steve keeps touching her like he hasn’t been touching Danny and while Danny doesn’t want to blame Catherine, his resentment is growing and there’s more than enough of it to go around. It doesn’t help that Danny’s stomach had been threatening to act up all day and the rich meal might just be the thing to tip it over the edge.

 

Danny has to excuse himself mid-meal to go to the bathroom and when he comes back a few minutes later Steve and Catherine are talking about something that Danny knows nothing about and he doesn’t have the energy to ask. The pain in his stomach has killed his appetite so he ends up pushing his food around his plate more than eating it.

 

When the meal is finished Catherine leans towards Steve and says, “Looks like you finally got me that dinner.”

 

The way Steve laughs tells Danny that it’s an inside joke, something between just them, and Danny tries to tell himself not to take it to heart. Steve doesn’t have many friends and Catherine is his oldest.

 

Catherine’s smile turns a little guilty when she looks at Danny, which is really not helping Danny keep a lid on his emotions.

 

“I never expected it to be under these circumstances, though,” Catherine continues.

 

“How do you mean?” Danny asks, eyes darting to Steve to see if he can get a read off of him. Steve looks vaguely unsettled.

 

“Oh you know, I didn’t expect the first proper dinner that Steve and I had together would be with Steve’s boyfriend,” Catherine smiles and laughs a little.

 

Danny’s still stuck on the fact that Steve and Catherine had never gone on a proper date before when Catherine turns to Steve with a concerned look.

 

“I hope you know I’m totally supportive,” she says, resting a hand on Steve’s arm, “I know you had a bit of trouble at the reserves training.”

 

Danny watches Steve’s face grow more pinched and he’ll deal with the fact that Steve was clearly keeping something from him later, right now he wants facts.

 

“What trouble?” Danny asks Catherine, because he knows he’ll get a more direct answer.

 

“Steve didn’t tell you?” Catherine frowns. Danny shakes his head and hopes he doesn’t look too angry.

 

“It’s nothing,” Steve grunts, clearly meaning to end the conversation.

 

“It’s not _nothing_ ,” Catherine says, “You were harassed by other reserves for being in a relationship with a man, and to add insult to injury, most of them were a lower rank than you!”

 

Danny will be angry later, but right now he’s just hurt. Hurt for Steve that he had to go through that, hurt for himself that they still have to face this kind of prejudice and yeah, hurt that Steve didn’t tell him about it.

 

“It’s not a big deal,” Steve says, and it’s almost convincing, but Danny can see the sting underneath the façade.

 

Catherine looks like she wants to argue but Danny shakes his head and she stays quiet. Danny knows that if either of them talk to Steve about this now that he’ll just shut down more. Instead Catherine says, “So either of you want dessert?”

 

Danny declines and excuses himself to the bathroom again. When he comes back Catherine and Steve are almost finished their desserts and talking normally again. Steve pays the bill and suggests that Catherine stay at his house for the night. Catherine tries to decline, saying she doesn’t want to intrude, but Steve insists that she can stay in Mary’s room and eventually Catherine accepts. Danny would have preferred if they were going home alone so that he could talk to Steve about what happened on reserves training, but to be honest he’s too tired to have that talk anyway. All he wants now is to take his meds and sleep.

 

When they get home Danny immediately declares he’s going to bed, but encourages Steve and Catherine to stay up. It’s still fairly early and neither of them seem tired. Danny knows Catherine is leaving in the morning and that she and Steve haven’t had enough time to catch up yet. Danny heads upstairs and gets ready for bed. Sleep doesn’t come as quickly as he expected.

 

Danny can’t stop himself from imagining all the things people might have said to Steve. He thinks about how far-away Steve’s been since he got back. At least Danny knows the reason now, even if he doesn’t understand it entirely, doesn’t understand how people being assholes about Steve dating a guy translates into Steve pulling away from Danny. Steve’s never been one to run from a fight or let other people’s opinions shape what he does. Danny resolves himself to talking to Steve about it in the morning. He needs to understand what’s going on.

 

Danny’s still awake when Steve comes up to bed. He murmurs something unintelligible and Steve crawls into bed and runs a hand down Danny’s side.

 

“You awake?” Steve asks.

 

“Mostly,” Danny says, leaning into Steve touch.

 

Steve presses up behind Danny and Danny can feel that Steve’s getting hard.

 

“You wanna have sex?” Steve asks, and Danny doesn’t have to see Steve to tell he’s got his flirty smile on that makes him look like a shark.

 

“No,” Danny says, because he’s sore and Catherine’s downstairs and really Danny just wants to be held.

 

“Fine,” Steve says, like it’s no skin off of his nose. Steve rolls away from Danny and settles into the bed with a sigh. Danny spends way too long trying to figure out if it was a sigh of exasperation or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written a sort of DVD commentary for this chapter on my tumblr. I felt that because this story is so focused on Danny's POV, that some insight into what I kept in mind about Steve when writing might be helpful/interesting. 
> 
> http://awolfling.tumblr.com/post/63714611573/a-look-at-steve
> 
> Also a big thank you to everyone who has commented, give kudos or simply carried on reading this far. It really means a lot to me!


	6. Chapter 6

Danny wakes up to stomach cramps and Steve already up and dressed, ready to see Catherine off. Danny doesn’t get a chance to say goodbye to Catherine because he ends up having to spend so long in the bathroom. Their drive into work is quiet and uncomfortable and Danny feels like they’re already having a fight even though neither of them has said anything yet. It’s not the way things usually go with them. They normally shout and vent and get everything out and then resolve it quickly. Steve’s attitude has thrown Danny off kilter.

                          

They have witnesses to interview today, but Steve goes straight into his office and starts shuffling around papers and acting like it counts as real work. Danny knows they need to sort this out before it distracts them from doing their job. He follows Steve into his office after telling Chin and Kono they might want to steer clear for a while. Chin suggests he and Kono go out to grab some coffee.

 

“Are we going to talk about this?” Danny asks, and Steve stops shuffling the papers.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Steve says, aneurism face there in all it’s glory.

 

“Uh-huh, except you’ve got aneurism face, and that, my friend, does not lie,” Danny takes a step closer.

 

“Just leave me alone,” Steve says, glaring at Danny

 

 “Steve, babe, come on, you’ve been acting weird since you got back. You should have just told me what happened,” Danny responds, trying hard to remain calm.

 

“Why? It doesn’t matter!” Steve says, crossing his arms.

 

“Clearly it does, if it’s got you so riled up!” Danny takes a breath, “Look, babe, I know it must have hurt-“

 

“God Danny, would you stop being such a girl!” Steve shouts.

 

Danny is shocked silent for a few seconds.

 

“Ok,” Danny says, “I’d be offended if I thought there was something actually _wrong_ with being a woman, even though I’m not. Seriously, Steve, what is your problem?”

 

“You,” Steve says, voice cold, “You are my problem!”

 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Danny says, guarded. Steve is walking on thin ice here.

 

“Do you really want to hear it?” Steve challenges, squaring his shoulders.

 

“Yes, I do,” Danny says, not backing down even though he knows this will only escalate things. If Steve wants to fly off the handle Danny’s not going to take it lying down. After the past week Danny has run out of charity for Steve.

 

“You are constantly nagging me, like I’m some hen-pecked husband. If I’d wanted a wife, Danny, I would’ve married Catherine. She’s always been a lot more easy going than you are! She’s a lot stronger than you, too!”

 

Danny feels cold all over and there’s a ringing in his ears.

 

“What?” Danny asks, trying to catch up with what Steve’s actually saying.

 

“Catherine isn’t some- some- _pussy_ who can’t deal with a little pain!” Steve yells, like he’s forcing it out.

 

Danny doesn’t know how to respond, can’t. He’s feeling too much; anger, hurt, betrayal. Too much too quickly and in the end his system overloads and Danny can’t feel anything, just numb and empty.

 

“I’m going to interview the witnesses on my own,” Steve says, leaving his office.

 

“Why didn’t you then?” Danny shouts after Steve, finally finding his voice, though it sounds hollow, “Why did you even choose to be with me in the first place?”

 

Steve just carries on walking, and in a few seconds he’s left the 5-0 offices.

 

Danny stands paralysed for a long time, long enough for Chin and Kono to come back in and find him still in Steve office.

 

“Brah, what happened?” Kono asks.

 

Danny shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he croaks.

 

Kono guides Danny to Steve’s couch and makes him sit down. Danny puts his head in his hands, trying to figure out how all this happened. One thing he knows for sure, that didn’t sound like the Steve he knows.

 

“He’s been different since he got back,” Danny says eventually.

 

“Yeah, he has seemed a little on edge,” Chin says. Danny looks up to see Kono nodding.

 

“So it’s not just me, then?” Danny has to ask. He knows that Steve’s been acting strange, but it helps to hear that other people have noticed too.

 

Kono puts her hand on Danny’s shoulder, “No, we noticed.”

 

“He’s been different at home, too,” Danny says.

 

“How so?” Chin asks, frowning a little.

 

“Just, you know, not as affectionate as normal,” Danny says, hoping he’s not blushing, “Look, I found out from Catherine last night that people were giving him shit for being with a man. Being with me.”

 

“Assholes,” is Kono’s immediate response.

 

“That’s not like Steve,” Chin says, “To let a few nasty comments change his behaviour.”

 

“Yeah,” Danny agrees, not voicing his fear that maybe it has nothing to do with what happened and everything to do with Steve finally being fed up with Danny. Danny tries to hang on to the knowledge that the very recent past not included, Steve’s given Danny no reason to doubt him.

 

“But he said some really cruel things… Look, let’s forget about it for now,” Danny says, standing up and brushing imaginary dust off his legs. If what Steve said is how Steve really feels, then he and Danny are over, but Danny can’t think about that now. He needs to put his issues with Steve aside, they’ve still got a case to solve.

 

“Steve’s gone to interview witnesses. Where are we on the vic’s financials?”

 

+

 

Chin and Kono get Danny up to speed on the case, though try as he might, Danny has trouble concentrating. It’s just over an hour after Steve left that Chin gets a call.

 

“Duke, hey,” Chin says, answering his phone. When Chin goes stiff and his brow creases, Danny knows that something is wrong.

 

“What happened?” Chin says quickly, and Danny wishes he’d put the phone on speaker.

 

“How bad, which hospital?” Chin continues. Danny’s starting to really worry.

 

Chin ends the call and looks at Danny. Danny doesn’t need Chin to tell him now, that something’s happened to Steve, it’s written all over his face.

 

“Steve’s been shot,” Chin says, not beating around the bush, “He’s at Queens, was conscious when the EMTs arrived. Let’s get going, I’ll fill you in on the rest on the way.”

 

“Oh God,” Danny says, mind going in to overdrive, immediately thinking of all the ways gunshot wounds can be fatal. His heart is pounding so hard it feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest.

 

“Let’s go, Danny,” Kono says, putting her hand on Danny’s shoulder and steering him out the door.

 

When they get down to the parking lot Danny sees that Steve must have taken his car and he feels a flash of irritation which is quickly overrun by fear. Steve’s been shot and the last conversation they had was an argument.

 

Kono ushers Danny into her car, Danny in the passenger seat and Chin sitting in the back. As soon as Kono starts the car and pulls onto the street Chin starts talking.

 

“Ok, looks like one of the witnesses decided to shoot Steve, no word yet on if it’s related to our case or if it’s something else. But Duke said they’ve got the guy in custody already. Kono and I can interview him,” Chin says.

 

Danny nods, says, “Did Duke say where Steve was shot?”

 

“In the leg,” Chin answers.

 

“Ok,” Danny says, wondering if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. There’s an artery in the leg, if that was hit then Steve could be in serious danger. Then there’s bone, a bullet could easily shatter bone. Steve could never be able to use his leg again, or have a permanent limp. He’d have to officially leave the Navy, and that would kill him. Rather that than he dies. Still, it’s better than a chest wound, or stomach, or, God forbid, head. No vital organs. So that’s positive.

 

They get to the hospital quickly. Danny’s been there enough times to know where to go. He finds a nurse behind the desk.

 

“Excuse me” Danny says, “I’m looking for Steve McGarrett, he would have been brought in earlier with a gunshot wound?”

 

“Your name?” she asks politely.

 

“Danny Williams,” Danny replies quickly.

 

“Mr Williams, I’m afraid I can’t give out patient information to non-family members,” she says automatically, not being aggressive, but still firm.

 

Danny feels in very real danger of throwing something or hitting someone. He slams his hand down on the desk.

 

“Check your records, I’m his medical proxy,” Danny says, raising his voice more than necessary. A few people turn to look at him and the nurse is leaning back, looking wary. He couldn’t care less.

 

“Of course,” the nurse squeaks, and starts typing on the computer in front of her. Danny notices her hands are shaking and ok, he does feel a little bad about that, but he’s scared and he needs to know what’s going on with Steve. He doesn’t have time for bureaucracy. Chin puts his hand on Danny’s shoulder, clearly trying to calm him down.

 

“I’m so sorry, Mr Williams, you’re right” the nurse says, looking up from her computer, “He’s in surgery right now, I’ll let you know as soon as we have an update.”

 

“Right, thanks,” Danny says, though he doesn’t feel particularly grateful. Chin squeezes Danny’s shoulder and lets go.

 

“Come on,” Chin says, “Let’s sit down.”

 

Danny nods and follows Chin to the uncomfortable waiting room benches where Kono is already sitting. Chin fills Kono in, but Danny tries not to listen. Instead he’s focusing on not assuming the worst, trying to remain positive. Steve’s still alive. He’ll make it through surgery. He has to.


	7. Chapter 7

Danny’s not sure how long they sit there and he considers telling Chin and Kono to go and interrogate the suspect, but Danny doesn’t want to be alone. It somehow feels easier to remain hopeful knowing that people who also care about Steve are there too. Anxiety and fear come in waves, clawing at his throat and threatening to suffocate him, before creeping back down and settling heavily in his stomach, only to try again later.

 

Danny’s just starting to feel overwhelmed again when a doctor approaches them.

 

“Steve McGarrett?” the doctor asks.

 

Danny stands quickly and out of the corner of his eye he sees Chin and Kono do the same.

 

“How is he?” Danny rushes to say before his throat closes up.

 

“He’ll be fine,” the doctor says reassuringly, and Danny feels his knees wobble, “The wound to his thigh, while not superficial, missed bone and important arteries. There is some muscle damage, so he will require physical therapy once the wound has healed, but there’s no reason he shouldn’t make a full recovery.”

 

Danny doesn’t really care about the details right now, his mind just keeps sticking on the fact that Steve’s going to be ok. The only thing he wants to know is, “When can I see him?”

 

“He’s being moved to a room now,” the doctor smiles, “He’ll be settled in a few minutes. I’ll have a nurse speak to you once that’s complete. I should warn you though that it will be a while before he wakes up, and he might be groggy from the pain killers.”

 

“Thanks Doc,” Danny says, eyes stinging with tears of relief. He holds them back though. Danny sits back down on the bench and scrubs his hands over his face. He lets out a shaky breath. Steve’s alive. Not just alive, but going to one hundred percent fine.

 

“Thank God,” Kono says, voice a little higher than normal and when Danny looks up he sees unshed tears in her eyes too.

 

“Yeah,” Chin echos, looking pale but relieved, “Ok, Kono, I think you and I have a suspect to interrogate.”

 

The smile that appears on Kono’s face is a little terrifying.

 

“You going to be ok?” Chin says to Danny, and when Danny nods he continues, “We’ll be back later to see Steve. Call us if you need anything, and I’ll have uniforms bring your car here.”

 

“Thanks man,” Danny says, able to produce a small smile, “I really appreciate it.”

 

“No problem, brah, just let us know when Steve wakes up,” Chin smiles.

 

Danny buys himself a cup of coffee and a sandwich after they leave. The coffee burns going down and the sandwich sits in his stomach unpleasantly, causing it to cramp. The last thing Danny feels like doing is eating, but he knows he’ll feel worse if he doesn’t. Danny thumbs the bottle of pills he keeps in his pocket but in the end decides against taking them. He needs his head clear.

 

+

 

Danny gets shown to Steve’s room a little while later and it’s a surreal experience seeing Steve lying there looking surprisingly healthy, like he’s asleep and hasn’t just given Danny the scare of his life.

 

Danny sits in the chair next to the bed and any adrenalin that was still keeping him going leeches out of him. He feels a thousand years old and if he wasn’t sitting down already he probably would have fallen over. As it is he just slumps in the chair, his chin in his hand and watches Steve. The rise and fall of Steve’s chest is somewhat meditative.

 

Between trips to the toilet, Danny sits and stares at Steve. He thinks about how overall, their relationship has been fantastic and he loves Steve with all his heart. Steve has been more supportive and kind to Danny about his IBS than Danny ever thought possible. And yet, given the past week and given Steve’s outburst this morning, Danny isn’t really sure where they stand. Steve’s always been good at making Danny feel contradictions and right now Danny is swaying between anger and hurt and bone-deep relief and love. He has no idea how to reconcile those emotions.

 

Danny turns his thoughts to Rachel, who spent the majority of their relationship not supporting him or being understanding. He thinks about his father’s disappointment and his brother’s ridicule and his sisters’ judgement. He think about his mother’s well meaning attempts at trying to cure him. Before, Danny didn’t know any different, and while it hurt him, he never expected anything else. Now thanks to Steve, he does. Ironic, seeing at it’s the knowledge that there are people out there who will not just put up with him, but actually care for him, that has Danny thinking about whether his relationship with Steve has a future. But Danny’s not forgotten what happened while Steve was away, and he’s sure there’s more to the story there.

 

In the end, Danny’s made his decision.

 

+

 

Steve wakes up with blinky confused eyes, but it doesn’t weaken Danny’s resolve. Danny’s anger as all but gone, leaving him resigned more than anything else.

 

“Hey Steve, don’t try to talk yet, I’ll get you some water,” Danny says, getting up and going to the table next to the bed where there’s a jug of water and an empty glass with a straw. He pours the water for Steve, and helps Steve sit up slightly so that he can drink. Steve licks his lips when he’s done and Danny puts the glass back down.

 

“Danny,” Steve says, and Danny’s not sure if it’s a question or a request or the beginning of a sentence.

 

Danny turns back to Steve. Steve looks nervous, concerned and more than a little guilty.

 

“Are you in any pain?” Danny asks, because he’s not so much of an asshole that he’s going to do this to Steve if he’s battling.

 

Steve’s brows furrow; concentrating, taking stock of his body. Steve shifts a little, “Not really.”

 

“On a scale of one to ten?” Danny asks, because he knows Steve will downplay it.

 

Steve hesitates, “…two.”

 

Danny mentally upgrades that to a four or five, but figures if Steve feels well enough to lie about how bad he feels, then he can deal with this conversation.

 

“How much do you remember?” Danny asks, eyes scanning Steve’s face.

 

“Witness got spooked, pulled a gun,” Steve says, frowning.

 

“And before that?” Danny presses on.

 

“I-” Steve looks away from Danny, his mouth pulled thin, and really, that’s answer enough.

 

“Yeah,” Steve confirms.

 

“Did you mean it or not?” Danny says, hoping his voice doesn’t shake.

 

“No,” Steve says, rubbing his hand over his face, “I didn’t mean it.”

 

“Ok,” Danny says, hesitantly taking Steve’s hand and holding it, “That’s all I need to know for now.”

 

“Danny, I’m sorry,” Steve says, squeezing Danny’s hand.

 

“You can save your grovelling for later, when you’re not, you know, infirm,” Danny says lightly, even though he means it.

 

“Better yet,” Danny continues, “You can tell me what made you go all asshole in the first place.”

 

Steve’s face goes blank and he looks away. Danny suppresses the urge to sigh. Barely.

 

“Babe, we’re not talking about this now, but when we get home and you’re feeling better, I need you to tell me what’s going on. That wasn’t like you and I know whatever it is has you hurting bad, but if you hurt me like that again, I don’t know if I can stay with you.”

 

Steve looks at Danny quickly, eyes wide and fearful.

 

“Danno,” Steve breaths, “I’m so sorry.”

 

“I know,” Danny says. He can tell Steve’s being genuine, and it gives him hope. But Danny is also of the opinion that you can’t keep making the same mistakes and then apologising, at some point you have to learn to stop making the mistake.

 

“I- ok. I promise, I’ll tell you,” Steve says, though he doesn’t look happy about it.

 

“Alright babe,” Danny says, pressing a chaste kiss to Steve’s lips, “Just rest now, ok?”

 

“Yeah,” Steve says, relaxing back into the bed, suddenly looking sleepy.

 

Danny feels bad for piling that all on Steve after he just woke up from being shot, but he needed to know, couldn’t pretend everything was ok. There’s a weight lifted off Danny’s shoulders now, and he hopes that if he and Steve just remain honest with each other, that everything will be ok. What Steve said still hurts, whether he meant it or not, and Danny’s not ready to forgive just yet, and he knows that he’ll never forget. But Danny is willing to give Steve a second chance if Steve’s willing to work for it.

 

“You go back to sleep, babe,” Danny says, “I’m gonna call Chin and see if he’s done talking to the guy who shot you.”

 

“You caught him already?” Steve asks.

 

“Yeah,” Danny nods, “He was in custody before you even got to the hospital.”

 

“Stupid asshole,” Steve slurs, and then Danny can tell by Steve’s breathing that he’s asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this fic a few months before I started posting, and as of now I have posted everything I've written. Which means that the next update is going to only be next week (hopefully). Unfortunately I'm busiest with work over the weekend, and I've just gotten a new puppy (yay!) so my time is a little more limited than I anticipated. I'm desperate to write more, so I'll try my hardest to make time and not leave you guys hanging too long.
> 
> Once again, thank you to everyone who has continued reading, given kudos and left comments. You guys make my day!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a homophobic slur in this chapter, for those of you who would like/need warnings.

When the doctor tells Danny that Steve will be released from hospital the next day, barring serious infection, Danny wants to cheer. Steve and hospitals don’t mix well, and Danny knows that when Steve wakes up again he’ll likely be fractious and anxious to leave.

 

Steve wakes up again later that afternoon and Danny tells him the good news that he’ll be sprung tomorrow and then tries to keep Steve busy by telling him where Chin and Kono are in the investigation. Danny had found out from Chin earlier that the guy who shot Steve knew the person who had murdered their vic but didn’t come forward because he ‘didn’t want to get involved’ and also, he later added, because he’s a drug dealer. He was so freaked out over shooting Steve that it didn’t take much pressure from Chin and Kono to spill the beans. What Danny didn’t tell Steve is that it was Steve’s aggressive attitude that had spooked the guy in the first place. Danny didn’t think Steve needed another reminder of the fight so soon.

 

Danny stays with Steve until after dinner. Chin and Kono bring shrimp and Kono gives Steve her account of the interrogation, which thankfully doesn’t include the bit about Steve attitude, but does include her acting out the guy’s more ridiculous reactions to Chin and Kono. Chin and Kono leave when the nurse comes to give Steve another dose of painkillers, but Danny stays and waits for them to kick in. Steve doesn’t complain too much when Danny leaves, which Danny assumes is part of Steve’s attempt at grovelling. Danny doesn’t, however, miss the pout Steve gives after Danny kisses him goodbye and Danny knows Steve would have preferred something a little less G-rated. But there’s no way Danny’s making out with his drugged up boyfriend in a hospital and Danny’s not quite ready to fall back into the intimacy they usually have until he gets the full story from Steve.

 

Just as Danny’s at the door Steve says, “I love you.”

 

Steve sounds plaintive, needy and Danny knows that warning Steve that Danny would leave him if he hurt Danny like that again hit on Steve’s abandonment issues. Danny wasn’t trying to be cruel, but Steve needed to know where Danny stood. On the one hand Danny wishes he could take it back, do something to ease Steve’s worry, but on the other Danny’s had a knot in his chest since that morning and he knows the only way to alleviate it is openness and honesty. Danny’s done his part in that regard, and when Steve is feeling better Danny knows Steve will keep his promise and the knot will unwind fully.

 

“Love you too,” Danny says, looking back at Steve. Steve sags a little, looks relieved. “I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.”

 

Steve nods and waves uncoordinatedly, having finally stopped fighting the painkillers and Danny knows he’ll be asleep in seconds.

 

+

 

Steve is sent home the next morning with crutches and strict instructions to stay off his leg as much as possible until it heals. Steve’s quiet on the way home and Danny keeps shooting him glances, trying to figure out Steve’s mood, but Steve’s face is mostly blank. If anything Danny would say Steve was apprehensive, and Danny’s sure that the promise Steve made is weighing on his mind. Danny doesn’t expect Steve to confess the minute they walk through the door, though he is anxious to hear what it was that made Steve act so strangely.

 

Steve refuses Danny’s help getting out of the car and, using his crutches and keeping his injured leg off the ground, walks towards the house like he’s running a race. Steve slows when he gets into the house though, clearly unsure where to go.

 

“Bed or couch, babe?” Danny asks.

 

“Need the toilet,” Steve grunts.

 

“Upstairs it is,” Danny says, trying to sound cheery.

 

Danny follows Steve up the stairs, staying behind him so that if Steve slips Danny will be there to catch him. Danny shouldn’t have worried; Steve’s taken to crutches like he does to anything physical. It’s a hell of a lot better than Danny did when he hurt his knee. Danny’s glad that Steve never saw him trying to get up the stairs to his apartment. It would have resulted either in laughter or extreme pity, neither of which Danny likes to endure.

 

“Just yell if you need help,” Danny says when they reach the bathroom.

 

“Yeah,” Steve mumbles before closing the door.

 

While Steve’s in the bathroom Danny goes to the linen cupboard and collects extra pillows to put under Steve’s leg when he lies down. The elevation will help reduce swelling, which in turn will help with the pain.

 

When Steve comes out Danny can tell that he’s tired and his leg is bothering him.

 

“Come on, babe,” Danny says, “Into bed.”

 

“Danny-” Steve says, ready to complain.

 

“It’s either here or the couch. Do you really want to tackle the stairs again?” Danny says, smiling when he sees Steve admit defeat and sit on the bed.

 

Steve props the crutches between the bed and the table next to it. He moves to lie down and hisses when his stitches pull. Once he’s settled Danny takes Steve’s shoes off and lifting his leg up, stuffs a couple of pillows under it.

 

“Better?’ Danny asks.

 

“Yeah, thanks,” Steve gives Danny a half smile.

 

Danny’s about to ask if he can get Steve anything else when Steve speaks again.

 

“I suppose I should tell you what happened.”

 

“We don’t have to do this now,” Danny says, aware that Steve is in pain and probably still exhausted.

 

“Yeah I do,” Steve says, then heaves a heavy sigh and rubs his hands over his face. Danny sits down on the bed next to Steve, being careful of Steve’s leg.

 

“When I got there, there were a few guys I knew, people I’d served with. Apparently they’d heard rumours about you and me, people from the base here who’ve seen us around town. At first it was the usual… slurs,” Steve begins, voice neutral like he’s giving a report, “But that night they cornered me and tried to beat me up. I managed to hold my own, but they got in a few shots, mostly to my stomach.”

 

“Steve,” Danny whispers, not sure what to say.

 

“Don’t,” Steve says, looking at the ceiling, avoiding eye contact with Danny, “I just need to get this out.”

 

Steve takes a deep breath, “Someone interrupted us. It was- it was Joe. He told the guys to get lost or he’d be reporting them. I was relieved; I couldn’t keep up with three guys for long. I thanked Joe for intervening and he said- he said-”

 

Steve swallows and blinks rapidly. He shifts uncomfortably and Danny knows it’s because Steve feels better being able to do something when he’s opening up emotionally, pacing or driving or fixing the car, anything to keep him busy. It must be hard for Steve to just lie there.

 

“He said that he didn’t want to draw attention to-” Steve’s voice cracks, “to my disgusting faggot ways and that my dad would have been ashamed of me.”

 

“Oh babe,” Danny reaches for Steve, puts a hand on his arm and squeezes. What he’d really like to do is gather Steve up in his arms but he doesn’t want to hurt Steve’s leg. “I’m so sorry.”

 

“The worst part is,” Steve continues, no longer able to keep the emotion from his voice, “I don’t even know if it’s true. I have no idea if my dad was homophobic. I don’t have a clue what he would have thought about me.”

 

Danny blows out a breath, trying to find something to say to make Steve feel better, but he has no more insight into Steve’s dad than Steve does. He runs his fingertips along the inside of Steve’s arm; it’s something that’s always calmed Grace down when she’s upset. He’s not sure if it will work on Steve, but it’s better than nothing.

 

“I wish I could tell you it’s not true,” Danny says, finger’s reaching the inside of Steve’s elbow, then trailing back down to Steve’s wrist, “I wish I could say no father could ever be ashamed of their son for loving another man but I know that’s not the case. I do know how I feel about my child, I can’t imagine Gracie doing anything that could make me feel that way, and it’s hard for me to even wrap my head around other parents not feeling the same way.”

 

Steve’s looking at Danny now, and his eyes are watery but he’s not crying. Steve moves his hand to Danny’s thigh and holds on tight. Steve’s jiggling his uninjured leg nervously, making the bed shake ever so slightly.

 

“I’m so sorry Danno,” Steve says, “I was such an asshole to you, and it’s no excuse, but I just didn’t even want to think about it. Since I was sixteen and my dad sent Mary and I away I was afraid he didn’t love me and I spent so much time trying to live up to the expectations I imagined he had of me. When I came back here and found out that he sent me away for a reason, it didn’t make it ok, but for the first time I believed that he did, you know, actually love me.”

 

Danny places his hand over Steve’s and rubs his thumb over Steve’s knuckles.

 

“It’s too much,” Steve continues, “To think that my dad would- that what Joe said is true. And when I came home it was like this shadow hanging over me, like he was here in the house judging me. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. I just felt so guilty when I was with you, and then angry with myself for feeling like that, because I love you and there’s nothing wrong with what we do. I had some time to think this morning, and I came to the conclusion that if my dad was alive, and he did think those things, I’d still want to be with you.”

 

Now Danny’s tearing up and he just wishes Steve hadn’t kept this all to himself; that Danny could have been there for him from the beginning. He lifts Steve’s hand that was holding his thigh and presses his lips to Steve’s knuckles, then turns Steve’s hand over and kisses his palm.

 

“I love you,” Danny says quietly, “and I’ll never stop.”

 

Steve blinks and the tears welling up in his eyes finally escape, running over his temples and into his hairline. Steve turns his head, trying to hide. Danny gets up and moves to the other side of the bed so he can lie next to Steve. He lies on his side and guides Steve’s head to look at him.

 

“Shh,” Danny hushes him, “It’s ok, baby.”

 

Danny uses his thumb to wipe away the stray tears. He kisses Steve gently, the soft slide of lips trying to reinforcing what Danny just said. Danny wishes he could just wave a magic wand and make it all better for Steve, but unfortunately there are no quick fixes in this life. The knot that was in Danny’s chest has gone, but in its place is a deep hurt for Steve, and a desperation to make everything better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will probably be another week before I update again. As much as I'd love to just sit down and write I have a busy work week ahead of me.


	9. Chapter 9

Steve sleeps for the rest of the morning, drained both emotionally and physically. Danny stays with Steve until he’s sure Steve won’t wake up if he moves, and then heads downstairs. Danny keeps himself busy putting in a load of laundry and tidying the house a bit. Hearing what Steve went through has really thrown him. Danny would like nothing more than to find those guys, especially Joe, and kick their bigoted asses. As satisfying as that may be, what Danny really needs is a way to help Steve feel better. There’s really only one person who can tell Danny about John McGarrett honestly. Danny pulls out his phone and dials a number.

 

“Hey Chin,” Danny says, “You and Kono want to come for dinner tomorrow night?”

 

+

 

Danny goes back upstairs just before lunchtime to wake Steve. The painkillers Steve is on can’t be taken on an empty stomach and Danny’s not letting Steve miss a meal while he’s recovering. Danny sits on the bed next to Steve and brushes his knuckles over Steve’s cheek.

 

“Hey babe, you wanna wake up?” Danny says gently.

 

Steve wakes with a start, his hand gripping Danny’s wrist before he’s even aware, but he loosens it the second he sees Danny.

 

“Sorry,” Steve mumbles, still groggy from sleeping.

 

“It’s no problem,” Danny says. Steve wakes up startled whenever he sleeps during the day, which, admittedly, is rare. The first few times Danny got a fright right along with him, and if Danny’s asleep at the same time Danny often wakes up flinging a hand out and hitting Steve. He’s used to it by now.

 

“What do you want for lunch?” Danny asks, watching as Steve blinks a few times, trying to wake up properly.

 

“Dunno,” Steve replies eventually, “Want to get this hospital smell off of me first.”

 

“Well you can’t get the stitches wet for another two days, so a proper shower is out of the question, sorry babe,” Danny says, and really he commiserates with Steve, the first thing he always wants to do when coming out of hospital, as a patient or otherwise, is wash.

 

Steve grimaces and Danny can just see Steve trying to devise some ridiculous waterproofing, possibly involving tape pulling off his leg hair.

 

“So, sponge bath it is!” Danny says, trying to nip any of Steve’s hairbrained schemes in the bud.

 

“Danny,” Steve complains.

 

“Steve,” Danny says, matching Steve’s tone.

 

“Alright fine,” Steve sighs.

 

“I knew you’d see it my way,” Danny smiles, “You just stay here and I’ll go get the stuff.”

 

Steve grunts what is probably an affirmative and Danny goes into the bathroom to collect everything he needs; soap and a cloth. He fetches a bowl from the kitchen to fill with water and heads back upstairs, which he fills with warm water. Steve’s still lying where Danny left him, which Danny is pleased about. He wouldn’t put it past Steve to sneak into the shower while Danny was gone.

 

“You ready for a sexy sponge bath, babe?” Danny asks, waggling his eyebrows.

 

That gets a laugh from Steve. “Yeah, something like that,” Steve grumbles, even as he smiles at Danny’s joke.

 

“Sit up, babe,” Danny says, “Let’s get your shirt off.”

 

“I can do it,” Steve says abruptly, humor failing. He sits up and pulls his shirt off.

 

“Ok,” Danny says, “But let me help you with your pants.”

 

“Danny, I really don’t need your help, I can do this myself,” Steve tries to assure Danny.

 

“And miss out on my Florence Nightingale impression?” Danny smiles, but it fades when Steve still looks uncomfortable.

 

“Look, babe,” Danny says, “I want to do this for you. Please let me.”

 

Steve is still and silent for a moment, but then reaches for his pants and unzips them, which Danny takes to mean Steve is onboard. Danny eases Steve’s cargoes down, not allowing Steve to move his leg and hurt himself further. Once the pants are around Steve’s thighs, he gets Steve to help him by bending his uninjured leg so Danny can ease the pants off that leg first, then lifts Steve’s injured leg himself so Steve doesn’t pull the stitches and finishes removing Steve’s pants. The boxer-briefs are much easier to pull off. Danny suggests Steve get into shorts when they’re finished and Steve agrees.

 

Danny wets the cloth and rings it out so that it’s just damp. He scrubs the bar of soap on it, causing a lather. He starts with Steve’s chest, long soft wipes from shoulder to shoulder, moving down over his rib cage and stomach. He does Steve’s arms next, forearms to bicep, and then gently scrubs Steve’s armpits.

 

Steve for his part remains still, his eyes closed. As Danny works he relaxes more and more, the lines of tension that have plagued Steve’s face for weeks now start to ease. It’s amazing, Danny thinks, how intimate grooming can be. More intimate than sex in many ways and Danny feels honored that Steve is allowing him to do this.

 

Danny washes Steve’s legs, giving his dressing a wide berth for fear of it getting wet. Danny hasn’t seen Steve’s wound yet and for now he’s glad not to have to look at it. As much as Danny harps on about safety, Danny sometimes forgets that Steve is mortal. Steve always acts so invincible, it comes almost as a shock to remember that he’s not. Tomorrow Danny will have to change Steve’s dressing, and he’ll be ready to face it then, but not today.

 

Lastly Danny moves on to Steve’s crotch. He runs the cloth along the creases of Steve’s thighs first, then he gently cleans Steve’s penis and testicles. Danny’s cock stirs in his pants and he glances up at Steve. Steve has turned his head away and his eyes are scrunched up. Danny looks back down to Steve’s penis which is still held in Danny’s hand and completely limp.

 

“Hey, it’s ok” Danny says, figuring out what’s bothering Steve, “You were shot yesterday and you’re on heavy duty painkillers, I’d be more concerned if you _could_ get it up.”

 

Steve doesn’t indicate that he’s heard Danny, but by the way the renewed creases around Steve’s eyes fade, Danny reckons he’s feeling better about it.

 

Finished with the washing portion of the afternoon, Danny rinses the cloth and sets about taking the soap off Steve’s skin. He starts backwards, figuring Steve probably doesn’t want Danny touching his genitals any longer than necessary. He doesn’t go as slow rinsing Steve off as he did soaping him up, but Danny’s sure Steve will be more comfortable when he’s dressed again. It’s not the most thorough wash Steve could have had, but it will do until Steve’s allowed to get his stitches wet.

 

Danny helps Steve into clean boxers; they’re looser than Steve’s normal choice of underwear and are easier getting over the dressing. Next he helps Steve into a pair of boardshorts and hands Steve a t-shirt for him to put on himself. Danny is aware that he’s probably being a little excessive with the whole nursing thing, Steve’s perfectly capable of getting his own underwear and pants on, and yes, washing himself, but Danny is glad for once to be able to help Steve instead of it being the other way around. Danny can’t say he’s enjoying it exactly, he certainly wishes that Steve hadn’t been shot in the first place. But he’s felt that for the most part Steve’s done all the heavy lifting in their relationship. Danny _is_ happy to prove his worth.

  
Steve decides to go downstairs for lunch and Danny sets him up on the couch with his leg once again elevated. They spend the day watching TV and it feels surprisingly normal and comfortingly domestic. Steve falls asleep again mid afternoon, his head cradled in Danny’s lap and his leg up on the arm of the couch. Danny gets lost in watching Steve sleep while he cards his fingers through Steve’s hair. Danny lets out a breath it feels like he’s been holding since Steve went away on training and finally lets himself relax.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, I had wanted to include more before I posted, but I've been having a super bad week IBS wise and I've mostly been in too much pain or too doped up on painkillers to write much. 
> 
> Once again, thank you to everyone who reads, gives kudos, and comments. You guys make me happy even when I'm feeling really down and I'm in a lot of pain.


	10. Chapter 10

Chin and Kono arrive late afternoon the next day, as per Danny’s instruction. Steve’s still tired and to be honest so is Danny, so a late night just isn’t on the cards for them. They hang out in Steve’s yard, overlooking the sea, Steve on a deckchair with his ever present pillows propping up his leg. He’d tried to argue, but one look at Danny’s face had put a stop to that. Danny knows it won’t be long before Steve insists on being all superSEAL, ‘tis but a scratch’, macho bullshit, so he’s trying to make the most of Steve’s compliance while he can.

 

Hanging with Chin and Kono is clearly cheering Steve up, for which Danny is thankful. Danny himself can’t relax though, the question he wants to ask Chin weighing on his mind. Hoping it doesn’t seem too suspicious, Danny asks Chin to come help him inside with the food, leaving Kono to keep Steve company. Danny decided on a barbecue for dinner, it being more sociable, and giving him an excuse to get Chin alone.

 

“So how’s Steve doing?” Chin asks, before Danny can broach the subject.

 

“Ok,” Danny says, “Doing better.”

 

“And you guys?” Chin asks, his concern for his friends clear.

 

“We sorted it out,” Danny says, “Listen, about that, I wanted to ask you a question.”

 

“Ok,” Chin says, and if he’s confused about where this is going he doesn’t show it.

 

“Was Steve’s dad homophobic?” Danny says, figuring direct is the best way to go.

 

“John? No, not that I saw,” Chin answers immediately, “Why do you ask?”

 

“You know I told you Steve had some trouble at training, well turns out there was more to it than just a few homophobic comments. Some guys beat Steve up, and Joe intervened, but then told Steve that his dad would have been disappointed in him for being with a man.” Danny says, not wanting to repeat exactly what Joe said. Those words leave a bad taste in his mouth on the best of days, but having them aimed at Steve, and by a man he considered to be a father figure no less, Danny can’t bring himself to repeat them.

 

“What?” Chin says, eyebrows furrowed angrily, “That son of a bitch!”

 

“So, I take it Joe was lying?” Danny asks, needing to settle this.

 

“Yes!” Chin says, eyes flashing, “John was proud of Steve and him dating a man wouldn’t have changed that. John may have been on the reserved side when it came to expressing emotions, especially when it came to actually speaking to Steve, but there was never any doubt in my mind that he loved his son.”

 

Danny breaths a sigh of relief. This is something that can actually help Steve.

 

“Thanks Chin,” Danny smiles, “I was wondering if maybe you could talk to Steve about it, I think it will mean more coming from someone who actually knew his dad. It’s something he needs to hear. Though he might no be thrilled I told you what happened.’

 

“No problem, brah.” Chin says, then adds, “You know, I think John would have liked you.”

 

Danny pats Chin on the back and can’t help but smile. It’s nice to know that Steve’s dad would have accepted him too. Danny grabs the meat from the fridge where it’s been marinating and hands it to Chin to carry outside, then fetches the tongs from the drawer and follows him.

 

The evening goes quickly; Steve and Danny snipe at each other about who’s the better cook and Steve keeps telling Danny when to turn the meat on the fire, much to Danny’s mostly feigned annoyance. Chin offers to step in, and Danny’s happy to relinquish the barbecuing responsibilities. Danny’s happier in a kitchen than in front of a fire, and Steve’s the one who normally takes the barbecuing job. Danny knows it’s often a matter of pride among men, whoever has control of the fire being the most ‘manly’ but he’s never bought into that whole posturing thing. Barbecue isn’t Danny’s favourite meal, often resulting in bad heartburn, but it’s an easy meal and it suits his needs for tonight.

 

Danny goes inside while Chin’s seeing to the meat to make a salad and then sets the table out on the lanai. By then the meat is ready and Chin, Kono and Steve join Danny on the lanai. Danny sets up a chair next to Steve for him to put his leg on because bending it pulls the stitches. As they eat Kono regales them with stories from her pro surfing days and Chin sheds light on her more exaggerated tales, poking gentle fun at her. Steve is quieter than normal, but Danny can see from his glazed eyes that Steve’s just tired, mostly due to the painkillers he’s taking.

 

The night winds down soon after the meal is finished, Chin and Kono picking up on Steve’s exhaustion. Kono leaves first, but Chin hovers behind and by the look he shoots Danny, Chin’s planning on talking to Steve. Danny leaves them out on the lanai, taking the dishes in and starting to clean up. Steve will cope better if he doesn’t have an audience, even if that audience is just Danny, and Danny trusts Chin to approach the subject sensitively.

 

Danny’s just finished drying the last plate when Chin comes in from outside.

 

“How’d it go?” Danny asks.

 

“Good, though I think Steve needs you now. I’ll let myself out,” Chin says with a soft smile.

 

Danny hesitates for a second, wanting to be a good host, but Chin is family and Steve takes precedent over politeness.

 

“Bye Chin, and thank you,” Danny says, before heading outside.

 

“See you, Danny,” Chin replies.

 

Danny finds Steve where he left him, sitting on the chair, leg propped up. Steve has a faraway look in his eyes, staring out to sea.

 

“Babe?” Danny says, approaching Steve tentatively.

 

Steve’s eyes snap to Danny and he lets out a shaky breath and shudders. Danny gathers Steve to him as best he can, wrapping his arms around Steve’s shoulders and holding him close, Steve’s face buried in Danny’s stomach. Steve starts to shake and Danny knows he won’t be able to talk right now so Danny doesn’t either. Steve hugs Danny back, his arms going around Danny’s hips and Danny just keeps steady, squeezing back and waiting for Steve settle. It takes a little while, enough for Danny to be able to feel wet patches through his shirt from Steve crying. It’s strange, Danny thinks, how quietly Steve cries. There’s not a noise, not a sniffle, just Steve holding himself impossibly tense, hanging on to Danny.

 

Danny runs his fingers through Steve hair, needing to do something to comfort Steve when he can’t use words. Steve starts to relax and Danny knows it’s a sign that Steve’s tears are slowing. Sure enough, a minute later Steve leans back a bit and wipes a hand over his eyes, his other arm still wrapped around Danny.

 

“Steve?” Danny asks, still playing with Steve’s hair.

 

“It’s just,” Steve starts to say, his voice a little thick and his nose clearly blocked, “I wish I’d known. I wish I’d known him. I spent so much time trying to please him that I never had the time to have a relationship with him, and now he’s gone and the best I have are second hand accounts of who he was.”

 

“I’m sorry,” is all Danny can think to say, trying to suppress his anger at John McGarrett. A child shouldn’t have to guess about who their father was, shouldn’t have to worry about whether they’re loved. If there’s one thing Danny can be proud of, it’s that Grace knows she’s loved, no matter what, and he’ll never let her forget it.

 

“I’m glad, though,” Steve says after a short silence, “To know that he would have approved of me, of us.”

 

“Me too, babe,” Danny says honestly.

 

“Thank you,” Steve says, “For speaking to Chin. I never would have had the courage.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Danny hugs Steve tighter.

 

Steve rests his head back on Danny’s stomach, though it can’t be the most comfortable position, given how Steve is twisted in his seat. They stay like that for a short time, Danny not yet willing to break the calm that’s settled around them. That is, until Danny feels Steve yawn and Danny suddenly feels as tired and Steve looks.

 

“Come on, babe, let’s go to bed,” Danny says.

 

+

 

The next morning Danny changes Steve’s bandage again. His wound is looking better than the day before, less red around the edges. Danny had been shocked by the extent of the wound yesterday, he hadn’t expected the amount of damage the bullet had done. Seeing two groupings of stitches, entry and exit wounds, showed just how deep the bullet had gone, through the front of Steve’s thigh and out the side. It had made Danny a little queasy. Not at the sight, but rather the renewed realisation of just how lucky Steve was not to be more seriously hurt.

 

It’s easier today, already knowing what to expect. Danny checks the wounds for infection and aside from a little redness, which the doctor told him was to be expected, it all looks good. Danny gently presses his fingertips around the area to make sure it’s not unusually warm, just in case. Danny smears antibiotic cream on the wounds, then takes a new gauze pad out of it’s packaging and places it on the front of Steve’s thigh and uses surgical tape to keep it in place. He does the same with the wound on the outside of Steve’s thigh.

 

“There we go,” Danny says, looking up at Steve, “All done.”

 

Steve is sitting up on his elbows, clearly having watched Danny and it takes a second for Danny to recognise the expression on Steve’s face as arousal.

 

“Seriously?” Danny asks, and a glace at Steve’s boxers show the beginnings of an erection, “Well I guess someone’s feeling better.”

 

“What can I say, D,” Steve smirks, “We’re in bed, your face is near my cock, how do you expect me to feel?”

 

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe more like a person who has recently been shot and less like a horny teenage boy,” Danny gripes.

 

Steve just laughs and says, “I guess you just have that effect on me.”

 

“Seriously, babe,” Danny says, sobering, “You’re not allowed to exert yourself.”

 

“Fine, I’ll just lie back and let you do all the work,” Steve says, cheeky grin in full force.

 

“Steve,” Danny says, censoring.

 

“Danny please,” Steve says more seriously, “I want this. I need you, ok?”

 

Danny can’t really say no to that, even though it’s against his better judgement. He resolves to be extra careful.

 

“Alright,” Danny says, “Just please, let me know if your leg hurts at all. Sex isn’t worth hurting you more.”

 

“Sure, Danno,” Steve promises.

 

Danny puts the stuff he was using to bandage Steve’s leg on the table and settles on the bed next to Steve.

 

“Lie back,” Danny instructs, placing his hand gently on Steve’s chest and guiding him down. When Steve is lying flat Danny leans down to kiss him, making it deep and slow. Steve responds beautifully, making a little noise in his throat that betrays his enjoyment. Steve tries to take hold of the kiss, make it filthier, hungrier, but Danny pulls back and looks down at Steve.

 

“Hey, I’m driving, remember?” Danny says, because Steve has a habit of getting his way and while normally Danny wouldn’t mind much, they need to keep things slow if Danny is to keep from hurting Steve.

 

“Yeah,” Steve says, making an effort to relax again, “Yeah, ok.”

 

Danny leans back down, pressing a kiss to Steve’s lips before trailing kisses down Steve’s neck and licking at his adam’s apple. He scrapes his teeth on Steve’s shoulder, not biting like he might have if Steve were up to something more energetic. Danny places careful kisses over Steve’s chest while running a hand up and down Steve’s side like he’s soothing a startled horse. Steve for his part is doing well, letting Danny set the pace and not trying to take control like he usually does.

 

Danny licks at Steve’s nipples, glad that Steve already had his shirt off and Danny didn’t have to stop his downward journey. Steve places a hand on Danny’s back and and pulls in a sharp breath when Danny sucks a nipple into his mouth. Danny backs off then, knowing that Steve will get too carried away if Danny continues. Instead Danny moves further down, mouths his way along the trail of hair in the center of his stomach, pausing briefly to flick his tongue over Steve’s belly button.

 

Danny brackets Steve’s hips with his hand and trails his tongue along the sensitive skin low on Steve’s stomach, just above his cock. Steve is straining in his boxers now, threatening to slip out the slit in the front and Danny takes mercy on him, easing the boxers down so they sit just below Steve’s balls. Danny rubs his thumb over the fat vein on the underside of Steve’s cock, smiling when a bead of pre-come forms at the tip. Steve’s starting to breath heavily, and it’s a heady experience for Danny, Steve lying there and just letting Danny do whatever he likes, not trying to turn the tables, take the lead.

 

Danny lowers his head and sucks one of Steve’s balls into his mouth, while he thumbs the head of Steve’s cock. Steve lets out a breathy “Fuuuuck” and Danny moves to the other ball, relishing the way Steve moans when he sucks harder. Danny then mouths his way up Steve’s cock and licks at the tip, tasting Steve. Danny has to hold Steve’s hips down to stop him from bucking up into Danny’s mouth.

 

Danny pulls back and says, “Babe, you gotta relax.”

 

“It was reflex,” Steve pants.

 

“I know,” Danny says, rubbing his thumbs along the edge of Steve’s hipbones.

 

“Come up here,” Steve says, sounding more in control of himself. He wraps his hands around Danny’s biceps and urges him up.

 

Danny follows obligingly, he doesn’t need or want to turn this into a power play. He hovers above Steve, taking in the sight of his blown pupils and the flush in his cheeks. Steve tilts his head up like he wants a kiss and who is Danny to deny him that. He kisses Steve teasingly, a series of pecks, pulling away from Steve every time so he can’t deepen them.

 

“Danno,” Steve huffs, and Danny laughs because here they are, both hard as rock and Steve’s whining like a kid.

 

“What do you want, babe?” Danny asks seriously. It’s fun to tease Steve, but Danny’s starting to ache a little, trapped in his pants as he is and he thinks he should probably move this along.

 

“I want you to fuck me,” Steve says, hands squeezing Danny’s arms.

 

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Danny says hesitantly. He doesn’t want to jostle Steve or put him in a position that hurts his leg. Danny was thinking more hands or mouth, something that would keep Steve on his back and pressure off his leg.

 

“Please Danny,” Steve says, staring straight into Danny’s eyes, “Please do this for me.”

 

And really, that’s playing dirty, but it works. Danny kisses Steve once more in acquiescence.

 

“Ok,” Danny says, “But you have to promise me you’ll stop me if you’re hurting.”

 

“I already said I would,” Steve replies, but at Danny’s look he adds, “Yes, I promise.”

 

Danny nods, then glances down at Steve’s leg and tries to figure out how best to do this. Steve can’t lie on his back because he’d have to bend his leg which isn’t an option. On his front he could keep his legs straight, but then there would be too much pressure on the wound.

 

“I think on your side would be best,” Danny says, eyeing Steve’s leg critically.

 

“Yeah, you’re right,” Steve agrees.

 

“Ok, first things first, boxers off,” Danny says, happy that they now have a plan.

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Danny says, because Steve is trying to take his boxers off himself and in the position Steve’s in, it’s a one way ticket to torn stitches, “Just let me help you, babe.”

 

Steve lets go of his boxers and raises his hands in surrender. Danny shakes his head in exasperation and sets about taking Steve’s boxers off himself. Danny takes a moment to just look at Steve, if not for the bandages, the picture would be perfect. But that doesn’t take away from the line of Steve’s bare shoulders, the tanned skin, the hard abs, the way his chest hair fades out, and the hair only begins again lower on his stomach, so unlike Danny. Steve’s cock is flushed, lying against his stomach and there’s a glistening pool of pre-come starting to form there.

 

Danny has to remind himself that the plan is to have sex and not just stare at Steve like he’s a ridiculously sexy work of art. Danny strips quickly and doesn’t miss Steve’s leer as he undresses. It still sometimes takes Danny by surprise, that Steve looks at him like that. Danny doesn’t think he’s ugly, but he’s not the Greek God impersonator that Steve is, Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome himself.

 

Danny urges Steve to roll towards the middle of the bed, so he’s lying on his side, keeping his injured leg on top. Danny sets up Steve’s pillows so that Steve can rest his leg on them, moving his leg forward slightly and giving Danny better access. Danny grabs lube and a condom from the bedside drawer, figuring reduced cleanup will be a good thing.

 

“Just lie still, let me do all the work,” Danny say, lying on the bed behind Steve and running his hand along Steve’s ribs like he’s reading braille. Steve sighs happily and relaxes back into him as Danny’s hand curves over Steve’s waist and then up over his hip, thumb dipping into the crease of his thigh. His progress is halted by the bandage on Steve’s leg, so Danny changes his path and palms Steve’s ass. Steve pushes back against Danny, causing Danny’s cock to brush against Steve. Steve moans, “Come on, Danny.”

 

Danny shushes Steve and says “I got you, babe, just relax.”

 

Danny grabs the lube and slicks up his fingers and going by feel, rather than sight, he circles Steve’s anus, going slow, Steve will open up for him when he’s ready. Danny busies himself with Steve’s neck, wet kisses trailing up to Steve’s ear, where he nibbles on Steve’s earlobe, enjoying himself thoroughly when he hears Steve gasp. Danny slips a finger into Steve and it goes easily, like Steve’s body is just as eager as Steve is. Danny takes his time preparing Steve, slowly easing his finger in and out and around until Steve is practically vibrating with need.

 

“More,” Steve rasps, and Danny can tell how hard it is for Steve to stop himself from moving with Danny’s fingers, but he’s being good, lying still like Danny asked him.

 

Danny gets more lube on his fingers and slides two in this time. Steve moans at the stretch. Danny keeps his exploration as slow as before, revelling in the way Steve seems to grasp at his fingers and pull him in.

 

“You’re doing so well, baby,” Danny says, punctuating his statement with a kiss to Steve’s shoulder.

 

Steve loosens further and Danny scissors his fingers to extend the stretch. Danny adds a third finger, wanting to be thorough. While Danny knows that the initial burn of penetration can be amazing, he wants Steve as relaxed as possible. He continues fingering Steve for a few more minutes, purposefully avoiding Steve’s prostate because he knows that will make Steve buck.

 

“You ready?” Danny asks eventually.

 

“Yeah,” Steve says slowly, sounding like he’s in a daze.

 

Danny withdraws his fingers and grabs the condom. He jacks his cock with his lubed up fingers once before rolling the condom on. He pours more lube into his hand and slicks up his cock completely. Danny spreads Steve’s cheeks and lines himself up. It doesn’t take much effort, Danny just slides in like he was made for Steve. He goes slowly but steadily, inch by inch disappearing into Steve. From this angle Danny can’t go as deep as he otherwise would, but Steve seems satisfied if the content sigh he lets out is anything to go by.

 

“Good?” Danny asks when he’s as deep as he’s going to get.

 

“Yeah,” Steve says, voice syrupy, “So good, Danno.”

 

Danny pulls out and pushes back in, wrenching a moan out of Steve. Danny can’t get much leverage in this position, ends up rocking inside of Steve, but damn it feels good, his cock encased in that tight delicious heat. Danny takes Steve’s cock in his hand, still slick with lube, and gives him long hard strokes. Steve reaches back, grabbing Danny’s ass and keeping him close.

 

“Fuck, babe, perfect,” Steve says breathlessly.

 

Danny feels like he could keep doing this forever, his own pleasure and knowing what he’s giving to Steve already satisfying enough. There’s no pressure to race towards orgasm. Steve’s whole body is loose and all but melding into Danny’s and Danny can’t help but feel a sense of pride and awe. He did this. He’s the reason Steve is letting go and he knows just how much trust it takes for Steve to let Danny takes the reins completely.

 

They’re lost in their own world, narrowed down to the heat building between their bodies and their audible breathing, just out of sync. It’s blissfully calm and Danny feels connected to Steve in a way he’d feared had been lost. They’ve had life affirming sex before, it was always rough and hedonistic and a battle of wills. This is different, not just for the obvious reasons, but it’s awakened a certain contentment in Danny that he thought had been lost after he and Rachel had split, not sure he ever even had in the first place. Danny didn’t think he could love Steve more, but there’s a swelling crescendo in his chest that says otherwise.

 

Steve comes first, his body suddenly going tense, his hand on Danny’s ass squeezing him tightly. The best part for Danny, other than the repeated tightness around his cock, is the noise Steve makes; a shocked yell that seems to make his chest rumble. Danny wants to remember that sound for the rest of his life.

 

Danny comes moments later, burying himself as deep as his can, his whole body going rigid. If he makes a noise he isn’t aware of it, his entire focus on the unbelievable pleasure and the way his orgasm seems to go on for ages.

 

It takes Danny a few moments to regain awareness and he’s already beginning to soften where he’s still buried in Steve. He holds onto the condom as he pulls out, dropping a soothing kiss to Steve’s back when he whines at the loss. He gets up on wobbly legs, throwing the condom in the trashcan and heading to the bathroom. He washes the lube and Steve’s come off his hands and wets a cloth with warm water.

 

Getting back to Steve, Danny gently wipes the lube from between Steve’s cheeks and folds the cloth over before wiping the come off Steve’s chest. Steve rolls over onto his back and looks at Danny with with his satisfied goofy grin that he often gets after sex. Danny’s missed that expression.

 

“What?” Steve asks, looking bemused.

 

“You,” Danny smiles, and he knows he looks just as goofy now.

 

“Oh, is that all, huh?”

 

“It’s enough isn’t it?” Danny says and leans down to kiss Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hoping I've weeded out all the typos, apologies if there are still some sneaking around.


	11. Chapter 11

With Steve feeling a little better, it’s difficult for Danny to keep Steve resting and staying off his leg, despite the doctor’s strict instructions. He keeps innocently getting up to get something to drink or make food and his trips to the bathroom are excessive, even by Danny’s standards and Danny knows it’s because of Steve’s need to be active and on the go. Danny’s very happy that it’s a Friday and that they have Grace for the weekend, because Grace will be able to manipulate Steve into sitting still in a way that Danny can’t.

 

Danny leaves Steve on the couch with a threat not to move and goes over to Rachel’s to fetch Grace. When he gets there Grace is still packing her bag and Danny ends up standing awkwardly in the foyer. He’s still uncomfortable in Rachel and Stan’s house, it’s big and showy and nothing like they lived in, in Jersey, or like Steve’s house which is homey and doesn’t feel like it’s constantly ready for a viewing by potential buyers. It’s also the first time Danny’s been back in the house since Steve and Rachel had their stand off at Grace’s birthday; he normally picks Grace up at the gate.

 

“Daniel,” Rachel says, “May I speak to you in the kitchen for a moment?”

 

Danny closes his eyes for a few seconds and steels himself for the next chapter in the Rachel bullshit saga, because really, when Rachel asks to speak to him it’s never good news, hasn’t been since the moment she told him she wanted a divorce.

 

“Yes?” Danny says, following her in, biting back the word ‘dear’ because that will just provoke her and Danny really doesn’t want to fight now.

 

Rachel takes a fortifying breath which puts Danny even more on edge. He briefly considers just leaving the kitchen before she can speak, grabbing Grace and making a run for it, but really that’s just a fantasy and he knows it’ll only make things worse.

 

“I’m glad Steve is alright,” Rachel starts, Danny having told her that Steve was shot before he told Grace on the day he brought Steve home from hospital.

 

“Yeah, me too,” Danny says, trying not to sound suspicious. By the look Rachel shoots him, he doesn’t think he succeeded.

 

“I’ve thought a lot about what he said, the night of Grace’s birthday. I’m sure he told you what happened,” Rachel continues, not making eye contact with Danny.

 

“Just the overview,” Danny answers, wondering where this is going.

 

“I wanted to apologise,”: Rachel says, eyes flicking to Danny and then away again.

 

“Excuse me?” Danny says, genuinely not sure he heard correctly.

 

“Regardless of what I think about your illness,” Rachel says, and that’s the first time she’s ever ‘your illness’ without a silent ‘imaginary’ in there, “It struck me, how vehemently he defended you, and it occurred to me that I wasn’t as supportive of you as I could have been.”

 

Danny swallows back the instinctual ’ya think?!’. Rachel’s making an effort here and Danny’s not going to sully it.

 

“Thanks Rach, I appreciate that,” Danny says instead.

 

“You deserve someone like that, Danny,” Rachel says, voice thick, “You deserved better than how I treated you, especially towards the end.”

 

“Hey, come on,” Danny says, rubbing Rachel’s shoulder, “Things weren’t all bad.”

 

“No, I guess they weren’t,” Rachel gives a watery smile.

 

“Rach, is everything ok?” Danny asks, because Rachel normally has a better lid on her emotions.

 

“Yes, why wouldn’t it be?” Rachel replies, but Danny isn’t buying it.

 

“You sure? Everything ok with Stan?” Danny pushes. He’d actually rather not talk about Rachel and Stan’s potential relationship problems, but he can’t just leave Rachel like this when he knows something is up, and he also needs advanced warning in case he needs to be there for Grace.

 

“No, everything’s fine. Actually I just found out yesterday that I’m pregnant,” Rachel’s eyes fill with tears, even though she’s smiling.

 

“Wow, uh, wow. Congratulations,” Danny really didn’t expect that.

 

Rachel laughs, wiping her eyes and trying to preserve her mascara, “Sorry I’m just really emotional at the moment, you know how I was when I was pregnant with Grace.”

 

Danny smiles sadly at that. He remembers clearly the equal parts complete terror and extreme elation. They were so happy then. Danny kind of envies Stan and for a split second feels a pang of longing when he thinks that if things had turned out differently that this baby could have been his. It’s a bittersweet thought, because Danny doesn’t love Rachel anymore, and he’s more than happy with Steve,, but he’d always wanted more than one kid. Maybe not four, like his parents, but two would have been nice. He has no idea if Steve wants kids. They’ve never talked about it.

 

“Does Grace know yet?” Danny asks, pulling himself away from his line of thinking.

 

“Not yet, Stan and I have decided to wait a little, you know how fragile early pregnancies are,” Rachel bites her lip, betraying her nervousness.

 

“It will be fine,” Danny says, fully believing it.

 

Rachel doesn’t get a chance to reply because Grace comes running into the kitchen with her bag.

 

“I’m ready!” she shouts.

 

“Grace, a little softer, please,” Rachel admonishes.

 

“Sorry mom,” Grace says automatically. Clearly this happens often.

 

“Ok, Monkey, give your mom a hug and then let’s go nag uncle Steve,” Danny says with a smile.

 

Grace throws her arms around Rachel and squeezes her tightly, “Love you, mom.”

 

“I love you too, honey,” Rachel says, squeezing Grace back.

 

As they’ll leaving Rachel catches Danny’s arm. “I really am sorry,” she says.

 

“I know,” Danny replies.

 

+

 

Grace races into the house when they get home, Danny calling after her to be careful. Danny follows more sedately and finds Grace hugging Steve, and Steve looking like he’d followed Danny’s directive and stayed off his feet while Danny was out.

 

“Are you going to have a cool scar, Uncle Steve,” Grace is asking Steve.

 

“I dunno,” Steve answers, “Cool might not be the right word.”

 

Danny snorts, because Steve is totally the kind of person that thinks scars are cool, but Danny appreciates what he’s trying to do here, stop Grace from thinking being hurt is in any way desirable.

 

“Can I see it?” Grace asks eagerly.

 

“When the stitches are out,” Danny intervenes, “Maybe.”

 

“Aw, Danno,” Grace complains.

 

Steve’s wounds, although healing, are a bit too graphic for someone Grace’s age. Steve also might turn it into something educational, like talk about bullet trajectory and the angle at which the bullet needed to be fired from to achieve that specific wound. Steve’s gotten better about age appropriate stuff since Grace became a bigger part of his life, but he still misses the mark every now and then.

 

“Hey monkey,” Danny says, “Will you make sure Steve stays on the couch while I fix dinner? Maybe sit on him if he causes you any trouble.”

 

Grace grins and says, “But Steve’s always causing trouble, you say that all the time.”

 

“Hmm,” Danny says, like he’s contemplating something serious, “I guess you’ll have to sit on him now, preventative measures and all that.”

 

“Ok!” Grace says, clearly delighted.

 

“Just be careful with his leg,” Danny warns.

 

Steve is stretched out on the couch so it makes it easy for Grace to climb on him and sit on his stomach like she would the couch. Steve makes an exaggerated ‘oof’ sound, making Grace giggle.

 

+

 

They watch a movie after dinner during which Grace falls asleep. Danny carries Grace up to bed, even though she’s too old and too big for it. Danny and Steve get ready for bed, Steve undressing himself, having become adept at standing on one leg while dressing and undressing. Danny thinks about how ungainly he was when he busted his knee and puts it down to Steve’s unnatural SEAL powers.

 

They get into bed, Steve lying on his back with his pillows underneath his leg and Danny on his side facing Steve. Danny’s mulling over his conversation with Rachel when Steve interrupts his thoughts.

 

“You ok?” Steve asks.

 

“Yeah, why?” Danny says

 

“You’ve just been a little quiet tonight,” Steve says, and thinking it over Danny realises he’s right.

 

“Rachel wanted to talk to me when I went to pick up Grace,” Danny says.

 

“About what?” Steve asks, and Danny can hear the same wariness in Steve’s voice that Danny felt.

 

“Firstly to apologise,” Danny says, still in awe of the fact that that actually happened.

 

“What?” Steve asks, and Danny sort of wishes it wasn’t so dark because he’s sure Steve has a funny expression on his face.

 

“Apparently what you said to her on Grace’s birthday made an impression. She said that she should have been more understanding,” Danny says, and it really sinks in then, now that he’s telling Steve, how monumental that is. A few years ago that would have meant the world to Danny, it still means a lot, but Steve’s support means more to him now. It’s kind of crazy that a few years ago he didn’t have anyone in his life who supported him or offered him sympathy, and now not only does he have Steve, but he’s got Chin and Kono too.

 

“Wow,” Steve replies, “I never expected that.”

 

“Yeah,” Danny says, “Me neither.”

 

“Wait, you said firstly? What else did she say?” Steve sounds suspicious.

 

“She told me that she’s pregnant,” Danny says.

 

“Oh,” Steve says, “Well that’s nice for them.”

 

“Yeah, Grace doesn’t know yet, they’re waiting before they tell her,” Danny says, and then there’s an awkward silence that Danny’s not sure how to fill. It’s always strange talking about his ex-wife’s new life.

 

“Do you-” Steve starts after a few moments, “Did you want more kids?”

 

And there’s the crux of the matter. Danny’s not sure anymore, his life has changed so much. The logistics alone of having another kid are monumental. Adoption or artificial insemination; either way it’s a lot more complicated than just having sex with your partner and hoping it sticks.

 

“I always thought two would be nice,” Danny says and for a second he’s scared to ask Steve if he wants kids, whatever he says it’s going to cement their future. If Steve says no, then that’s it, Danny’s never going to have more kids. If Steve says yes then that’s something they’re going to have to think about, plan for and Danny’s not entirely sure he wants more now.

 

“Do you want kids?” Danny forces himself to ask, because he’s never liked not knowing.

 

“I never thought I’d get the chance,” Steve says, and Danny’s glad for the darkness now, somehow things are easier to say in the dark and Danny doesn’t have to worry about hiding his reactions.

 

“And now?” Danny prompts.

 

“I’m not sure,” Steve exhales noisily, “I love Grace like she’s my own, and she’s so perfect it’s hard to imagine anyone could live up to her. I know that’s stupid, I’d love my own child just as much.”

 

Danny inches closer to Steve and takes Steve’s hand in his, waiting for Steve to continue.

 

“A part of me,” Steve carries on, and Danny’s close enough now to hear Steve swallow, “Part of me thought that I shouldn’t be a parent, that I’d fuck it up somehow, like- like my father did.”

 

“I think it’s that kind of self-awareness and not wanting to repeat mistakes that makes for a great parent,” Danny says, squeezing Steve’s hand, “You’re brilliant with Grace, there’s no one I trust more with her. I know you’d make a great dad.”

 

Danny allows himself to think about Steve with a baby, their child. He knows Steve would be besotted and overprotective and loving. Not many people get to see Steve’s soft side, but Danny’s well acquainted with it. Danny wonders if having a kid would mellow out Steve, make him less quick to put himself in danger. Danny knows that having Grace did that for him.

 

“Thank you,” Steve says, and clears his throat.

 

Silence settles over them, though this time it’s more peaceful. Danny still doesn’t have a definitive answer but at least the subject has been broached. Danny’s still not sure where he stands, what he wants. In truth he hasn’t thought much about his future with Steve beyond that he wants one. Danny’s done marriage and babies and he had thought that would be his forever, his happily ever after. He doesn’t need those things with Steve, after everything they’ve been through he knows marriage would just be signing a legal document, they’re already as committed to each other as two people can be.

 

Danny’s already falling asleep when Steve speaks again.

 

“I like the way my life is now,” Steve says quietly, “I don’t know if I want to change it.”

 

“Yeah, I feel the same way,” Danny says, realising it’s true. They’ve reached a kind of even keel now and Danny doesn’t want anything to jeopardize that.

 

“I love you,” Steve says, his slight slurring telling Danny that he’s falling asleep.

  
“Love you, too,” Danny says, allowing himself to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I expected this to be the last chapter, but I've got one more coming before this story is over. As always, thanks for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

The weekend with Grace is great. Grace is good at making Steve sit still, insisting on fetching whatever Steve wants and actually getting Steve to agree. When Danny tried it Steve just ignored him mostly. As always, dropping Grace back at Rachel’s on Sunday stings a little, but it’s been easier since he and Steve got together. Knowing there’s someone to go home to helps, though he always misses his little girl.

 

Danny wakes up that night to what sounds like a whimpering animal and it takes a split second to realise the noise is coming from him. The pain in his stomach is unbearable and it takes him a few seconds to control his reaction and stop whining. It’s then he notices that Steve must have turned the lamp on and he’s got his hand on Danny’s shoulder.

 

“Danny, talk to me, what’s wrong?” Steve asks urgently, his face a mask of concern and a little bit of fear.

 

“Fuck,” Danny says, in lieu of crying out again, “My stomach.”

 

It’s then that the urge to go, and go now dawns on Danny and he shakes Steve’s hand off and rushes to the bathroom. He’s there a while, the pain just getting worse, until his head is swimming and he’s listing to one side as he fights his body’s instinct to pass out.  When he comes out the other side of the pain his eyes are watering and there’s snot dripping out his nose. He wipes at his face angrily and then cleans himself up. The pain has dulled to a constant ache, like his entire abdomen is bruised.

 

Danny gets his pills out of the medicine cabinet and washes them down with some water from the tap. Danny hobbles to the door and opens it to find Steve hovering there, clearly worried. Steve is also without his crutches and putting weight on his injured leg and Danny would shout at him if he had the energy but he can barely muster up anger now.

 

“Danny?” Steve asks, reaching his hand out to Danny.

 

“I’m fine,” Danny says, leaning away, “Just don’t touch me.”

 

Danny’s entire body is over-sensitised and there’s panic hovering at the edges of his vision, waiting to pounce. He can’t be hemmed in, doesn’t want anything touching his skin. He edges past Steve and gets back into bed, curling up on his side and pulling the duvet around him like a shield.

 

“Will you just lie down again?” Danny says, and it takes a lot of effort to put his concern for Steve into words.

 

Steve hisses as he starts walking, and Danny knows there’s a danger of Steve having torn or popped his stitches but he can’t deal with that now because the shakes have set in and he’s not good for anything other than lying down and waiting for his next trip to the bathroom. Steve gets into bed next to him and he must either feel or see Danny shivering because his hands are on Danny again.

 

“Shit, babe, you’re shaking, this can’t be normal, I’m taking you to the hospital,” Steve says, moving to get up once again.

 

“I’m fine,” Danny says again, shaking off Steve’s hand for a seconds time and wishing he didn’t have to speak, “This just happens sometimes.”

 

“Sometimes?” Steve says incredulously, “Danny, we’ve been together almost two years and I’ve never seen you like this.”

 

The thing is, this doesn’t happen often to Danny, the shivering part. He doesn’t know why it happens sometimes and why it doesn’t others, because he often experiences this level of pain without getting the shakes. It’s happened a few times since he and Steve got together, but always when Steve wasn’t around.

 

“Look, I know you’re worried,” Danny says, surprised by how calm he sounds, “But I just need to ride this out. I’m going to be getting up every few minutes to go to the bathroom until the meds kick in and I pass out.”

 

“Danny,” Steve disagrees.

 

“Please, Steve, just give me some space and let me deal with this,” Danny pleads.

 

Steve flops onto his back in defeat and Danny can tell Steve’s not happy about this, but Danny knows how this goes. And that’s apparently Danny’s cue for another trip to the toilet as the pain increases dramatically and he stops shaking. He clutches his stomach as he walks in a vain attempt to ease the pain. When he returns Steve’s scowling at the ceiling. Danny wraps the duvet around him as best he can, feeling cold, though the shakes have gone for now.

 

“You can turn off the light,” Danny says, “You should go back to sleep.”

 

Steve clicks off the light and Danny feels a certain sense of relief as they’re plunged into darkness.

 

“I won’t sleep until you do,” Steve responds and pauses for a moment before saying, “I wish you’d let me help you.”

 

“Babe, there’s nothing to do,” Danny says, “I know it sucks, but there really is nothing we can do. Believe me, if there was something to do to help me, I’d be jumping at the chance.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t need to go to a hospital?” Steve asks, though he sounds calmer now.

 

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Danny says, shifting slightly to try and find a position that hurts his stomach less. It’s a futile task.

 

“Is the pain always this bad?” Steve asks like he’s afraid of the answer.

 

“Not always, but it’s pretty bad,” Danny says nonchalantly. He’s long become used to the extreme pain, well not used to so much as resigned to it.

 

“I’m sorry Danno,” Steve says, and makes a move to touch Danny but pulls back, clearly recalling Danny’s request. Danny remembers what Rachel would do when this happened when they were together; halfheartedly ask if Danny was ok and then grumble about going back to sleep. He’d lie in their bed, in so much pain he was close to tears, worrying more about waking his wife up than the pain or the multiple trips to the toilet, feeling so damn sorry for himself and hating her for it. He still feels sorry for himself sometimes, being in pain all the time is depressing, but it’s so much easier to cope knowing that Steve’s there for him.

 

Danny gets up to go to the toilet again, and it’s getting harder and harder to get out of bed. When he shuffles back to bed he knows he’s going to pass out soon, it’s 3am and he’s physically exhausted. Not to mention the drowsiness caused by the drugs. Danny all but falls into bed, once against curling up on his side in an effort to protect his stomach.

 

“Goin’ sleep now babe,” Danny mumbles, and then he’s out like a light.

 

Danny is woken by pain a few minutes later, and stumbles to the bathroom once again. Steve asks him if he’s alright when Danny comes back to bed again and Danny mumbles something in the affirmative, already half asleep.

 

Danny wakes the next morning more tired than should be possible. His body feels hollowed out and his mind feels blurry, his thoughts a jumble. His stomach is still sore, but it doesn’t compare to when he woke up in the night and Danny counts that as a win. Danny knows he’s going to be useless today, he always is after a big flare-up. He’s just glad that they don’t have any cases and that 5-0 are on unofficial vacation, there’s no way he’d be making it into work today.

 

When Danny gets out of bed to take a leak Steve stirs and wakes. Steve’s got dark rings under his eyes and Danny can only assume that Steve stayed awake long after Danny fell asleep. When Danny comes back from the bathroom Steve moves to get out of bed. From the wince he makes Danny figures that Steve did some damage to his leg last night.

 

“Alright, you goof,” Danny says, “Let me look at your leg.”

 

“Gotta hit the head first,” Steve says, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

 

“Fine, but then you’re coming right back,” Danny says, eying Steve critically.

 

Steve stands and Danny hands him his crutches and waits for Steve to return. Danny’s stomach rumbles and demands food, but Danny knows better than to trust it right now. He’s hungry enough that a three course meal feels like it might just satisfy him, but he knows as soon as he starts eating he’ll lose his appetite and his stomach will start cramping again.

 

Steve comes back and lies on the bed so Danny can take his bandages off. The stitches on the side of his leg look fine, but wound on the front looks inflamed. All of the stitches are still there though - Danny counts them - and the skin isn’t ripped at all. He doesn’t think it’s infected, just that Steve’s moving around tugged them a little, but he slathers the antibiotic cream on anyways before bandaging Steve up again.

 

“You’re a goof,” Danny says when he’s done.

 

“You’ve already called me that,” Steve grumbles.

 

“Doofus then,” Danny snarks, “You shouldn’t have tried to walk without your crutches.”

 

“Yeah, well I was working on automatic,” Steve says sitting up, “I woke up to you sounding like you were dying, ok?”

 

Danny feels a little embarrassed by that. He only has a vague memory of what he sounded like, the pain and still being mostly asleep making things fuzzy. But from what he does remember he sounded pathetic.

 

“I’m sorry about that,” Danny says, feeling bad for having worried Steve, “I normally try not to make any sound.”

 

“That’s not the issue, Danny,” Steve says, sounding annoyed, “You’re not a wimp, I know I gave you crap when we were getting to know each other, but that was bullshit. You know the last time I heard a noise like that was when one of my teammates got shot in the stomach and almost died? That tells me just how much pain you were in last night, and the fact that you’re normally able to keep quiet through that fucking astounds me so just stop worrying about my goddamn leg, it barely even hurts.”

 

Danny’s stunned into silence. Half of him wants to tell Steve that clearly getting shot in the stomach is way worse than anything Danny’s been through. The other half is touched by Steve’s vehemence. Danny’s been told for so long, by so many people, that he’s exaggerating, or being hysterical or making his pain up entirely, that it’s sometimes hard not to believe it. Even when he’d read an article that said that people with IBS actually have a higher pain tolerance than normal people it was hard to accept.

 

“I’m never going to stop worrying about you,” Danny finally says, cupping the back of Steve’s neck,  “But you can help me by taking better care of yourself.”

 

Steve looks like he’s about to argue, but Danny keeps talking, “I know last night wasn’t your fault, I get it. I just hate seeing you hurt.”

 

“I hate seeing you hurt too,” Steve says, tucking his fingers into the waistband of Danny’s boxers.

 

“I know,” Danny says.

 

They get dressed and go downstairs for breakfast which Steve offers to make but one look from Danny and he goes to sit on the couch. Danny makes oatmeal for Steve and makes sure Steve takes his painkillers while Danny drinks Ensure because he can’t eat anything heavier. After breakfast Danny does some stuff around the house that got left over the weekend; by rote he puts some laundry in the machine and does the dishes. As the morning moves on it becomes harder and harder to think, to stay awake, to do anything. Danny eventually gives up being productive and joins Steve on the couch. He tries to stay awake to make sure Steve doesn’t decide to remodel the house while he’s out, but Danny knows he’s fighting a losing battle.

 

“Come on, Danno,” Steve says, jolting Danny awake. He hadn’t even realised he’d fallen asleep.

 

“What?” Danny says, trying to focus his thoughts and failing.

 

“Let’s go up to bed,” Steve says, squeezing Danny’s leg with his hand.

 

“What about you?” Danny asks.

 

“I’m coming too,” Steve says, grabbing his crutches and standing up.

 

Danny trails behind Steve as he goes upstairs, following Steve’s lead when he takes his pants off and climbs into bed.

 

“Come here,” Steve beckons Danny closer, arranges them so that Steve’s on his back and Danny’s lying on his side with his head pillowed on Steve’s chest. Their cuddling options have been pretty limited with Steve hurt, and Danny longs for the time when Steve can spoon behind him again, envelop Danny with his body. But this is good too, Danny can hear Steve’s heart beating steadily and Steve’s arm is wrapped around him.

 

“Just sleep, Danny,” Steve encourages.

 

“What about you?” Danny asks, unable to turn his concern for Steve off.

 

“I’m going to sleep too, didn’t get much last night and you know how these painkillers make me dopey,” Steve says, tracing soothing patterns with his fingers on Danny’s arm.

 

“Mmm,” Danny agrees, already falling under sleep’s spell, finally able to relax.

  
They sleep deeply and peacefully for the rest of the morning, wrapped up in each other.

 

 

The End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was bittersweet for me, posting this chapter, I feel accomplished and yet I don't want it to end. Posting every chapter has been a delight, you guys have all been so supportive and have kept me smiling for days. So thank you. 
> 
> The chances of me writing another long story in this 'verse are slim, but I do have a few one-shots planned, so everything's not over yet.


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